


To Know This is Real

by Hinn_Raven



Series: The BFF Verse [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Seduction, Blindfolds, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Pining, Praise Kink, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:23:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9071512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven
Summary: Kai and Tucker know what they want, and his name is Agent Washington. Agent Washington knows what he deserves, and it's certainly not Kaikaina Grif and Lavernius Tucker. Or: how three people in a canyon learn to talk about their feelings and maybe end up having lots of sex.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well! The BFF Verse makes its magnificent return!
> 
> "Wait, this is a sequel?" Well, sort of. It takes place during the events of _It's a Comedy of Sorts_ , but hopefully I've managed to make it independent enough that you won't have to read the first entry. All you really need to know is this: York and Tex are both alive and are best friends. When I was writing the first entry Wash, Kai and Tucker seemed to be interested in having their own storyline, so here it is. Warning to people who hope to stick around: the chapters after this are probably going to be pretty smutty. I make no apologies. 
> 
> Special thanks to saltsanford, who read this over for me, and everyone else who cheered me on in the pursual of OT3 feelings! 
> 
> (Chapter-specific warnings are below!)

* * *

Wash met Kai first, although he didn’t get a name. He didn’t bother. If he’d consulted his files, he’d have figured out that her name was “Private Kaikaina Grif,” and probably just called her Grif, dooming himself for months of confusion with Dexter Grif.

Instead, Wash met her, dismissed her out of hand as a Simulation Trooper who was only slightly stranger than normal, and then went to meet Sarge, who then proceeded to skew the grading curve of “normal” for just about the rest of his life.

It was a long time between meeting Kai and meeting Tucker. Wash didn’t count the days, although he suspected it would be less time than he thought. But the events that happened were pretty damn significant.

When Wash met Tucker, he was exhausted and exasperated and frustrated. He’d been in prison not that long ago, Donut was chattering his ear off, and Tex and York were… Wash didn’t even know what they were doing, he just knew that their banter was giving him a headache.

The sight of someone wearing Connie’s old armor twisted uncomfortably in his stomach. He took a grim satisfaction that his shot was likely to be deadly, especially since it was hard to believe that Tex was going to leave anyone alive to give him medical assistance.

She’d taken it personally. Wash couldn’t help but approve of that.

Wash had learned the hard way not to make it personal for Tex—the bruises he’d gotten from trying to talk Church into the suicide run had taken weeks to heal. The guards had mocked him for it.

Wash hadn’t said anything then, and now he kept his mouth tightly shut, ignoring the slew of double entendres and innuendos coming from the pink soldier. Instead, he focused on the familiar, comforting feeling of a gun in his hand and trying to navigate the desert without being spotted by the enemy.

There was something unnerving about the temple; alien locations often gave Wash a strange feeling, but this one was more noticeable than usual.

“How do we get in?” Wash asked Donut, uncertain of what to make of the man. This was someone who Tex and York both opted to entrust with their grenades, but his… _everything_ made him impossible to take seriously.

“Nice and easy,” Donut said cheerfully, and then he proceeded to knock on the door, much to Wash’s exasperation.

“Tucker! I found a guy for you!”

The door swung open way too quickly. “One guy? Seriously?”

The man was wearing teal armor, and stood a few inches shorter than Wash. But Wash’s attention was drawn far more to the sight of the plasma sword he held in his hand.

Wash forced himself to focus. “I’m Washington,” he said, leaving off the title of Agent, which wasn’t really true anymore. “We’re here to help.”

“He came at the same time as Tex and York!” Donut added.

Tucker perked up visibly. Wash tried not to be offended, but he had to admit that Tex made a very good cavalry. York, Wash was less sure about, but he guessed the Sim Troopers had been dealing with him for a while. Although admittedly, Wash was still pretty vague about the timeline for York’s time in Blood Gulch. Maybe he could get clearer answers from people now that he didn’t have to deal with Caboose’s… Cabooseness and Church’s hatred of York.  “Tex and York are here? Did they bring the others?”

“Just us,” Wash said. Outside, an explosion rocked the temple. He guessed Tex and York were getting to work. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised they’d managed to find a way to incorporate explosions into it.

Tucker examine Wash again as he closed the door behind them. “Well. Guess we’ll make do.”

Wash felt an old flicker of irritation.

* * *

Despite all of Tex’s complaints that York was the only Freelancer she tolerated, Tucker was pretty sure that the Freelancers were prone to following her around like ducklings.

Although Wash was pretty hot for a duckling, Tucker supposed. He’d noticed that from day one, but the Freelancer’s appearance only improved as the guy started to get closer to a human number of hours of sleep a night. His hair was still all streaky and grey, but it was a pretty good look for him, all things considered.

Getting assigned to the same room as Wash was pretty cool, Tucker figured. He was hot, and now that Donut had officially declared their desert fling ended, Tucker was eager to refine his techniques.

Unfortunately, Wash seemed immune to most of the basics.

He’d started before they’d even got back to Blood Gulch, but he accidentally made Wash shut down when he started asking about Freelancer things.

Tucker made a note that Freelancer was a no-zone, and then kept going, because hey, one mistake wasn’t worth giving up.

He’d then gone through all of his best pick-up lines. (“Hey Wash, you've got 206 bones in your body. Do you want one more?”) Wash had completely brushed him off, not even getting flustered or offended. Which was a shame, really. Wash was pretty cute when he got blushy.

Tucker tried flat out propositioning him too, but Wash told him to go away and stop bothering him.

Tucker kind of gave up for a little while after that, figuring that Wash wasn’t _that_ hot to be worth the effort, not when he still had hopes for working his way into a threesome with Tex and Church.

But then things slowly started to change.

Wash, Tucker was delighted to discover, was a massive dork. He used to ride a skateboard, his voice got really high when he was stressed or just shocked, and he tried really hard how much he was into the whole Red vs Blue thing, but they’d totally converted him.

Tucker still kind of wanted to hit that, but he figured that he could make do with Agent Washington as a friend. It wasn’t like it was a new sensation for him either.

One day, after a long game of Capture the Flag, which ended with Wash pushing York off the roof of Red Base and Donut covering them all in bright pink paint, Tucker watched Wash.

Wash was dripping with the paint, lying down flat on his back, facing the sky, and smiling, looking absolutely relaxed for the first time that Tucker had ever seen.

Tucker was startled by the realization that he _really_ wanted to make sure that Wash could make that face more often.

Not all the time, obviously, because Wash’s stressed face was also a lot of fun, but that was the fun kind of stress, not… that quiet, sad look that Tucker saw way too often. Tucker liked the fun one, not that one.

The changes were slow and gradual, with Wash managing to find a place for himself in their little valley, until Kai arrived.

Things tended to change a lot faster when Kai got involved.

* * *

Sometimes Kai wished she’d taken the old guy up on his offer to go with him to find Dex and his boyfriend. She’d decided to wait for them all to get back instead of going off without any idea of where they were supposed to go, but it was taking them _forever_.

They’d promised they’d come back.

(She didn’t think about how Mom had once promised to come back too. That didn’t count. Dex had said so.)

Kai had figured someone had to stay back, in case York or Tucker’s kid came looking for everyone and needed directions. Tex had been sure that York would come back, and Tex was awesome and badass and hot, and clearly she knew York better than any of them, so she would know if he’d come back.

But as the days dragged on into months, Kai started wondering if maybe Dex had been right after all and the York guy was dead. (She refused to think of Junior as possibly being dead. Tucker would be way too upset about that. She also refused to think about why Tucker being upset about something was such an awful idea to her.)

Kai kept throwing her raves, but no one came anymore, now that Lopez was gone. She dyed her hair, then dyed it back, because it wasn’t like anyone was around to tell her if she’d done it the wrong color anyways.

She explored all those weird underground tunnels that the others had told her about, and buried the bodies she found down there. She was pretty sure one of them was Church, so she looked up how to do a Jewish burial service and did the best she could, even though it had been a while since he’d died. It was only fair, even though Church himself was off possessing robots. The other one was Tex, and well, Kai wasn’t sure what Tex would’ve wanted, so she decided to make a pyre. It looked like the scene from that really old movie where the wizard kid burned his not-evil-anymore-Dad’s body. The armor was even the right color.

She felt like Tex would’ve liked that.

Kai then read all of Sarge’s weapon magazines (kinda cool; she wanted to try out that grav-hammer thing), all of Tucker’s dirty magazines (she’d read better), and Donut’s Cosmo collection (the sex tips were all so boring, honestly).

Just when she was starting to consider if she should actually try to see if the computer had records of her and Tucker’s encounters and maybe taking notes on their performances for when they met up again, she finally got the call that they’d found York, found each other, picked up two new guys, and were settling in a place called Valhalla.

Dex was the one to make the call, but Tex was the one to send her the picture of Valhalla. Tucker sent her a picture of the room they’d be sharing, because apparently Tex and Church had the officer’s quarters, and Caboose and someone named Epsilon were in the other bunk.

Kai could work with this, she decided.

She packed her things, as well as all the things that the others had forgotten or left behind, watched the videos of her and Tucker having sex anyways, because she wanted to be sure she knew what they should improve upon, and made the phone calls to arrange for the rest of her stuff to be dropped off.

Then she got on the pelican and headed off to see what kind of trouble they’d managed to get into while she was gone.

* * *

Wash did his absolute best to try to not trip over his own two feet the second Tucker took off his helmet.

Wash mentally started yelling at himself, because he wasn’t eighteen years old anymore. He was too old, too mature, and too… too _professional_ to be frozen in place by a pretty face.

Wash managed to make it through that meeting without embarrassing himself too much.

Unfortunately, Kai Grif’s appearance at Valhalla was even more difficult to ignore.

Wash hadn’t seen her face at Blood Gulch. They’d both been in armor. But unfortunately, she decided that it was perfectly fine to disembark from a pelican wearing a tank top and short-shorts, her hair falling loose over her shoulders.

Wash actually _did_ trip. It had been a _very_ long time since he had seen someone not wearing full armor. And especially since he’d seen someone quite so flat out gorgeous.

“Hey- _yo_!” She yelled, before flat out launching herself into Tex’s arms. Tex caught her, something close to a laugh coming from her chest. It couldn’t be comfortable to be held by a robot in full armor, but it didn’t seem to bother Kai Grif at all, kissing Tex right on the visor before launching herself at her next target, her brother, who she happily knocked to the ground in a tackle hug before finally getting around to Tucker and the rest of Blue Team.

“Kai!” Tucker said, beaming. “You made it!”

“Fuck yeah I did!” Kai beamed. “Oooh, who’s this?” She’d noticed Wash.

“This is Wash! He’s the new rookie!” Tucker said.

Kai turned towards him, and Wash felt himself paralyzed as she took him in. He wondered what she saw. He was still on one knee, struggling to get up, half out of armor. His hair was probably a mess, and he _knew_ he was blushing as he stared up at her, desperately trying to ignore the way her tank top had slipped down after all her running around.

“Wait!” Kai said, expression intent. “You’re the cop?”

Wash felt a flash of irritation. “I’m _not_ a cop!”

She tilted her head, frowning as she continued to examine him. “But you’re _the_ cop!”

“That’s him,” Tucker said cheerfully, finishing helping Wash to his feet. “He’s our newest Freelancer!”

“Why do we need so many of them?” Kai said, propping her hands on her hips. “Tex was good enough!”

Wash really tried to be offended, but it was difficult because Tex had managed to keep these teams of idiots alive for so long, and so far all he’d managed to do was trip in front of a pretty girl.

“Hey, he’s okay,” Tucker said, hand still rested on the inside of Wash’s elbow. Wash tried to ignore it, but the pads of Tucker’s fingers tickled, even through the fabric of his suit. “He’s like York.”

“Nah,” Kai said, and Wash prepared himself for whatever she’d say next, as she tilted her head. “He’s cuter than York.”

Wash couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was just her… _Kai_ ness.

He laughed. He put his hands on his knees and laughed and laughed until he felt tears starting to gather in his eyes.

It had been a long, long time since Wash had laughed like that.

Tucker nodded, ignoring Wash’s wheezes and panting as he slowly regained his breath.

“That’s true.”

York, meanwhile, was leaning close to Tex and whispering something and Tex seemed to be laughing.

There were time when Wash _really_ couldn’t stand those two.

Kai integrated into Valhalla really quickly.

Maybe a bit too quickly, if Wash had to admit it.

He’d been getting used to getting… well, getting all of Tucker’s attention, if he was going to be honest. He’d liked spending time with Tucker. Just the two of them.

Now, things were a bit more complicated. Tucker was spending more time with Kai—which made sense, because they were friends.

It wasn’t that Wash minded Kai or anything, because she was great. Wash was surprised by how much she could make him laugh once he stopped stressing over what she was saying and just _went with it_.

And Wash could have worked with that. He could have worked with the two of them being unfairly attractive, funny, and nice to him. He’d have just been very careful about keeping his head down and repressing any potential feelings until they went away, and then he could have just gone about his business and kept going.

Unfortunately, Kai and Tucker seemed determined to make sure that Wash was unable to do exactly that. 

Wash yelled, throwing his hands in front of his face, because it was way too early in the morning to see this.

Kai and Tucker, as it turned out, both slept naked.

It wasn’t even that they were bad looking—in fact, quite the opposite, had it been at all appropriate Wash might have taken the opportunity to do a little staring—but it was _too damn early for unwanted nudity_.

(He pointedly ignored the part of him that didn’t consider the nudity unwanted.)

* * *

Having Kai back was great for a lot of reasons. The first being, hey, Kai was awesome.

The second was that it meant that Tucker had company for “me time”.

“Are we dating?” Tucker asked Kai suddenly, after they’d finished a fun round in the basement. Kai was examining her armor uninterestedly, and so Tucker got to still enjoy the great view as she slowly went through the motions of getting dressed again.

Kai paused, considering. “What’s dating mean for you?” She asked. “Does it mean we only have sex with people on the list?”

“We don’t have a list,” Tucker pointed out.

“Well, we should have one then,” Kai said, making a face as she started to wiggle into her suit. Tucker helped zip her up.

“Well, who would you want to be on it?” Tucker asked, unable to stop himself from thinking of Wash. Not that Wash would be interested—he’d made that perfectly clear after he’d spent ten minutes shouting himself hoarse about how Tucker should wear pants—but hey! The lists of “not-cheating-if-it’s-them” weren’t supposed to be _practical_.

“Wash,” Kai said instantly. “And Tex. And you’d probably want Donut right?”

“I think Donut doesn’t want to do that anymore,” Tucker said. “But yeah that sounds good.”

Kai nodded cheerfully, then paused, thoughtful. “Do you think we could get Wash to do a threesome?”

Tucker felt his brain go blissfully into full on porno mode for a second there.

_Wash, naked and panting and writhing beneath him, lips bitten until they were swollen and bright red, Kai curled up against Wash’s side, fingers tangled in his hair as she tilted his head back to nip and suck at his pulse point…_

Tucker managed to return to reality, although he could already feel his dick trying to harden, despite just having finished.

“Hell yeah,” Tucker said. Then he paused. “So we’re dating now?”

Kai nodded, then lit up. “That means we totally get to cuddle on movie night, right?”

“Right!” Tucker nodded, enthusiastic.

* * *

Kai had kind of dismissed Wash after figuring out that he wasn’t a cop and lived with them. He was hot and all, but he was also a total prude, didn’t own any handcuffs, and got fussy about the weirdest things.

But he kind of surprised her sometimes.

Kai had been trying to climb up to the top of the waterfall. Yeah, it was stupid, but it had looked like it would have been fun and it reminded her of that time when she was little and Dex had saved up for months for bus tickets to the National Park, where they’d looked at all the waterfalls. Kai had worn her best dress and Dex had worn his school backpack, and they’d been proper tourists, running around and taking pictures and laughing.

He’d bought her a postcard afterwards. Kai still had it, taped to the wall next to her bunk, along with the other few photographs and physical things she owned.

So she’d wanted to climb up to the top, and see what it was like. She wanted to see the whole valley. And yeah, maybe she should have told Tex or Tucker or Church where she was going, but she wanted to be _alone_. It was something she wanted to do for herself.

At first, it went great. The rocks were dry and there were good grips and Kai hummed to herself as she made her way up.

It was when she hit the halfway point that things went… well, downhill.

Her foot slipped. Then her hand slipped. Then _she_ slipped.

Down she crashed, hard and fast, and Kai felt something _snap_ as she threw her hand forward to try to protect her head and face.

She yelled out, and curled onto her side. It was a long way from the bases. She’d have to wait until she felt a little better and then walk back.

She was mentally weighing the benefits of Blue Base (closer, Tucker) vs Red Base (York had that healing unit thing, Dex) when she heard the sound of footsteps, fast and loud against the rock, rushing towards her.

“Kai!”

And then Wash was there, helping her up.

“Wash?” She muttered, unable to really see him because of the tears in her eyes.

“I’ve got you, okay? Can you move your arm?”

Kai tried, and let out a yelp of pain.

Wash’s hands lightly brushed along her arm, feather light and gentle. “I think it’s broken,” he hissed. “Okay let’s… let’s get you back to Blue Base. I’ll call York and get him to bring the healing unit. Can you walk?”

Kai tried to stand, but her ankle wobbled beneath her.

“Damn it,” Wash carefully helped her sit back down, before checking her ankle. “Well okay, that’s just sprained. I’m going to get you out of your armor, okay? I’ll get Caboose to grab it later, but right now I want to get you home.”

Kai nodded, and tried to use her left hand to help Wash undo the clasps on the armor she had been wearing—pretty much everything but her helmet.

Wash then carefully scooped her up into his arms.

“You’re ripped,” Kai noticed out loud.

“I’m wearing power armor, Kai,” Wash said, but he was smiling at her. Something uncurled inside of her. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Kai paused, looking up at his freckled face. He didn’t have to be this nice. He could have just called York to them, he certainly didn’t have to carry her back to base. He could have yelled at her for being stupid—although she knew that was coming.

But he wasn’t doing those things.

“Thanks,” she said, managing a smile despite the throbbing in her arm and ankle.

Suddenly Wash flushed and looked away.

“No problem,” he said stiffly, but it was too late.

Kai had caught a glimpse of something _interesting_ , and she kind of understood why Tucker wanted to sleep with him so bad.

Kai mentally moved that threesome with Wash higher up her priority list. She was going to make it happen. And between her and Tucker, she was sure they could make that happen.

Or at the very least, she was going to try to see that soft, nice expression on Wash’s face again. Kai liked it.

* * *

Tucker and Kai were dating now, and Wash wasn’t sure how that made him feel.

He desperately tried to tramp down anything that resembled longing or jealousy, but it was hard. Things had been easier back at Recovery One, Wash thought sometimes, even though he knew it wasn’t quite true. He hadn’t had to worry about stuff like this. He hadn’t cared, because that sort of thing wasn’t on his radar at all.

It had been survival.

The Reds and Blues had changed that. _Kai and Tucker_ had changed that.

Wash didn’t want to examine the constantly churning waves of emotions that swept through him. He wasn’t sure if he would like what he found.

“You’re making things too complicated,” Tex advised him, as she was fiddling with the tank’s mechanisms. The tank’s name was Sheila, she sounded like FILSS, and Wash was done with everything.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Wash protested, handing Tex the wrench she wanted.

“You don’t have to. You get that wrinkly faced expression when you’re stressing over random shit that you can’t fix,” Tex said.

Wash glanced at her, bewildered. “I do not!”

“Mmmhmm,” Tex hummed instead of responding.

“I _don’t_!”

Tex shook her helmet in that way that meant she was rolling her eyes at him. “Just go with it Washington. It goes easier.”

“That is awful advice,” Wash said.

“It’s perfectly good for dealing with these idiots,” Tex said. “How’s that, Sheila?”

“Oh my! That is much better! Thank you, Agent Texas, Agent Washington!”

“No problem,” Wash managed to say.

He glanced at Tex, wanting to continue that conversation, but she’d wandered off.

“Wash!” Tucker yelled from the base. Wash turned.

“I’m making lunch! You want your usual or something different?”

Something soft and warm filled Wash’s chest. It was stupid. Tucker had noticed what Wash liked to eat for lunch—that didn’t mean anything.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling of being _noticed_ , or being a _part_ of something.

“Usual is fine!” Wash called, kneeling to pick up the tools that Tex had left scattered across the grass. He wasn’t sure if she didn’t care or if she’d known he’d clean them up. Maybe it was a bit of both.

“ _Wash_ ,” and then Kai was there, tugging on his arm. “Lunch is ready, you’re going to be late!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Wash said, exasperatedly rolling his eyes.

“Not yet you’re not,” Kai said.

Wash froze in place, cheeks flushing.

“Wait, _what_?”

* * *

“What is with you and Washington?” Church complained to Tucker one day. “I thought now that you and Kai were getting it out of your system you’d stop… _mooning_ , but you’re just as weird about it now.”

“Shut up Church,” Tucker said, throwing an apple at his friend’s head. “Where are Caboose and Epsilon?”

Church scowled, like he usually did when he was reminded of Epsilon. “Off doing shit in the Red’s hologram chamber again. I don’t know. Don’t care either.”

“Dude, are you seriously sore that Caboose is spending time with him? I thought you wanted Caboose to leave you alone.”

“Shut up Tucker,” Church said. “I don’t like that guy.”

“Isn’t he you?” Tucker asked.

“What’s that got to do with liking him?” Church said.

“… okay that got dark,” Tucker decided. “Anyways. That’s none of your business.”

“It is if it means I’m going to have to turn off my audio sensors even more often!” Church snapped. “We had to teach Epsilon to turn off Caboose’s helmet so he couldn’t hear already! You two could tone it down a notch before incorporating someone else!”

Tucker shrugged. “We take it out of the base pretty often,” he offered.

Church sighed. “I hate you so much.”

“I know, Church,” Tucker said, picking up the knife to keep chopping.

“Are you serious about it?” Church finally said, after a long, companionable silence. “Because like. I think you guys might break him if you don’t tone it down. Seriously.”

Tucker’s ears heated up. “Why are you asking me that?”

Church rolled his eyes. “York was worried. But he always worries about Wash, so it’s probably nothing.”

“That guy needs to stop with the guilt thing,” Tucker said. “Seriously.”

“I’d rather he stopped sneaking off with my girlfriend,” Church muttered rebelliously, snatching a chopped carrot to eat.

“You realize that if Tex was going to sleep with York, she’d have done it ages ago right?”

“Shut up Tucker.”

There was another long silence.

“So you really like this guy, huh?”

“You’re a gossipy little shit and you’re fishing,” Tucker told him.

“Yes,” Church said, unabashed.

“Yeah,” Tucker said, finally. “I do. We both do.”

“When did you start getting mature? And care about things beside sex?”

“You’re such a dick,” Tucker said without heat, snorting. “When did you start caring about people besides Tex?”

“Don’t make this weird, Tucker.”

“You started it.”

* * *

“We should have sex,” Kai said, suddenly.

Tucker gave her a _look_ , stopping mid-thrust, which was not exactly what Kai had been going for here. “And what exactly are we doing right now?” He asked.

“No, not like this!” Kai sighed. Tucker was still not moving anymore, which she didn’t entirely approve of. He needed to get better at multi-tasking, honestly.

Tucker frowned, still not _getting it_. “I mean, I thought we were waiting for the rest of your dildo collection to come in the mail but if you’re in the mood…”

“Not that either!” Kai said. “But we totally should, I haven’t gotten to peg you yet!”

Tucker nodded in agreement and clambered off her so she could start searching for the dildo she wanted and her belt. She pulled the crate out from underneath their bed and started shuffling through their motley collection of toys and lubes. Really, that shipment better come soon, because this was honestly pathetic.

“What was it that you wanted to do then if not pegging?” Tucker asked, already starting to stretch himself out. Kai grinned, enjoying the noises he was making. Tucker was deliciously noisy. Talkative too, usually, but Kai liked it best when he was too addled to talk much. It meant she’d rocked his world.

“Oh! Right!” Kai looked up at him. “We should totally have sex when Wash will see us!”

Tucker paused, fingers still up his own ass, looking considering. “You think he’d be into that?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Kai said, carefully selecting her favorite dildo and slipping it through the ring on her belt. “I mean, I’m hot. You’re hot. Us having sex is hot. And then he’ll get super jealous and want to join in!”

Tucker’s eyes gleamed. “That would be _fun_ ,” he said. Kai grinned at him, and clambered onto the bed to kiss him, wrapping her fingers around his dick as she did so.

“So,” she said, reaching down to tweak his nipples with her other hand. “How do you want to do this?”  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we're back! Thanks to absolutely everyone who gave feedback for the last chapter, or generally was excited for the suckington! 
> 
> Special thanks to goodluckdetective, who edited this for me, and to strudelgit, a-taller-tale, and saltsanford who gave me loads of advice and feedback on the smutty parts. 
> 
> Fair warning, this chapter's a lot more explicit than anything else I've written before. READER DISCRETION ADVISED, FRIENDS. 
> 
> Warnings are at the bottom as usual, but they're pretty light.

Wash stared, mesmerized by the image in front of him, his hand still on the door handle. He’d come back early from training, only to see... _this_.

Tucker was holding Kai up against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, his lips latched onto her neck, and both of them panting and groaning and moaning obscenely.

He could see way too much of both of them—the lights were on for once, unlike when he woke up in the mornings and got an eyeful. Kai’s fingers were flexing open and closed from their placement on Tucker’s shoulders.

He should leave. He should run. He should close his eyes.

But he kept watching as Tucker thrust up again, causing Kai’s head to roll to the side, allowing her to lock eyes with Wash.

She started smiling at him, her eyes dark and her expression heady.

“We’ve got company,” she murmured.

Wash _really_ should run.

Tucker turned to face him, but he _didn’t stop,_ still thrusting up into Kai, smirking at Wash the whole while.

“Hey Wash,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

Wash was pretty sure he groaned in response, because Tucker’s grin only grew larger.

“Enjoying the view?” Tucker said, before rocking his hips again, much to Kai’s vocal enjoyment.

Wash finally found movement in his legs, and slammed the door shut behind him as he fled.

* * *

“Well that didn’t work,” Tucker said, sitting down, passing another damp cloth to Kai so she could clean up.

“Nah it totally did,” Kai disagreed. “ _Total_ boner.”

“But he ran away!” Tucker said.

Kai paused, frowning as she considered. “Yeah,” she said, slowly.

“What are you thinking?” Tucker asked, tossing the condom into the trash.

“He’s not used to nice things,” Kai said. “He doesn’t… he doesn’t think he _can_ have them.”

“That’s bullshit!” Tucker said, bewildered.

“Yeah but you’re the one who said that Freelancer fucked up his head,” Kai said, sitting down on the bed.

“True,” Tucker admitted. “So… what do we do now?”

“We keep going,” Kai said airily. “And we try to figure out what his buttons are and we press them until he can’t hide how hot he thinks we are.”

“Good plan,” Tucker said, climbing into bed. “So what should we try next?”

* * *

Kai had a list to make, she knew that.

She’d managed to find a piece of paper (borrowed from Donut) and was trying to work out what they were going to have to do to get Wash to actually think about it instead of just not letting himself think about it.

The problem was, she decided, that Wash kept his cards too close to his chest. Tucker had been easy in a lot of ways—Tucker liked sex, he liked making other people feel good, and he liked showing off. There were other things too, but that had been what Kai had started with.

She didn’t even have a starting point for Wash.

He did the whole bossy thing a lot, but that didn’t mean he wanted to boss them around in bed. Not that Kai would have a problem with that. It could be hot. He didn’t give off signs, not the way most people did.

It was annoying.

She said so to Tex.

“Kai, I really don’t care,” Tex said. She was getting antsy—she’d been in one place for too long with nothing really to fight. The rest of them were liking it, enjoying doing nothing, but Tex liked to move too much. Kai wondered how long Tex would stay.

Kai wondered if she’d come back.

She rubbed her arm absently. York’s healing unit and the sling Wash had made for her had taken care of the break, but she imagined she could feel it sometimes.

 _Wash_ had come.

But then, from what York had said, Wash had been left behind so often he probably couldn’t let himself leave people.

It was bad, because it sucked he’d been left behind, but Kai kind of liked that about him. It was… nice. Knowing he wouldn’t just leave because he got bored or had something better to do.

The waterfall had proved that.

“What do people do when they’re bored?” Tex asked, suddenly.

Kai looked up, confused. Tex looked oddly defensive, all sharp pointy edges and armor. Kai wished she’d take it off, because it was so hard to talk to her sometimes, when her face was hidden behind the helmet but Kai’s was halfway across the valley, being used as a vase for Caboose to put flowers in. It was stupid, how weird Tex and Church got about their armor sometimes. Kai didn’t like it.

“What?”

“Normal people. Humans. What do they do when they’re bored?”

Kai struggled, trying to think. “What’s normal?”

Tex snorted suddenly, flopping down on the grass next to Kai. Kai grinned. She always liked it when she could make Tex laugh, even if it was just a little one. Tex’s laughs and smiles always felt rare, like something precious that should be preserved, even if it was getting better these days, now that Tex didn’t have to worry about York or Church as much.

“I guess that’s a good point,” Tex said. “What do _you_ do when you get bored?”

“I go find Tucker,” she said, ticking them off her fingers as she went. “Or my big bro. Or I go climbing. Or I find one of my vibrators. Or you! Or Sheila. Or sometimes I go get really drunk and then I wake up somewhere new and I have to find my way back home!”

Tex shook her head, but it was a fond one not a judgy one, so Kai didn’t mind.

“You don’t do things by halves, do you?”

“Nope!” Kai threw herself onto her back, staring up at the sky.

“Hey look! That one looks like a puma!”

“What does?”

“The clouds!” Kai pointed up.

Tex turned her helmeted face towards the sky. “I… I don’t see it.”

“You’ve got to _look_!” Kai reached up and grabbed Tex’s arm, tugging her down to the grass with her. “C’mon. I used to do this back home with Dex. Take off your stupid helmet and watch the clouds with me.”

Slowly, Tex tugged off her helmet. Kai didn’t stare. She knew better than to do that.

Then the two of them just lay there, staring up at the clouds, finding random weapons and animals in the sky until Tucker started yelling about dinner.

* * *

“Here,” something black and made of cloth slapped against Wash’s chest.

“What’s this?”

York shrugged. “A sleeping mask. You said they’ve been getting naked a lot. This way, you only have to see things that you want to.”

Wash fumbled the mask, barely catching it before it tumbled to the ground. “I don’t _want_ to see anything,” he said, ears heating up.

“Of course Wash,” York said, far too cheerfully. He placed a hand on Wash’s shoulder. “And I’m sure Donut wouldn’t mind if you need to hide here more often.”

“Not at all!” Donut said, not even looking up from his careful application of nail polish.

Wash shook his head. “Thanks,” he said. “I guess.”

“Ask Sarge to make you some noise cancelling headphones if the sound gets to be a problem,” York advised serenely. “I can’t guarantee what you’ll hear instead, but I’m sure it will be less… exciting.” He angled his eyebrow at Wash, and Wash felt his blush spread down his neck.

“You’re the worst,” he said.

“Tex has been telling me some fascinating stories,” York said cheerfully.

Donut sighed. “It’s so _romantic_!”

Wash paused, unsure of what Donut meant, then decided to disregard the other man’s comment, just like pretty much everything else that Donut ever said. It was better that way. It hurt his head less.

York just grinned and lay flat on his back again, fiddling with the old lock mechanisms.

“Agent Washington,” Delta said. “I believe that if you requested Kaikaina and Tucker to stop, they would do so.”

“Or you could change rooms!” Donut said cheerfully. “If the sexual tension’s getting to be too much! I know the pining period can just be agonizing!”

“Change rooms and go where?” Wash rolled his eyes. “I’m not switching teams.”

“Aww, knew you’d be a Blue,” York said, stretching out his leg to kick Wash lightly on the shoulder. Wash made a face at him.

“You could always move in with Epsilon and Caboose!”

“No!” York and Wash spoke in unison, and for once, Wash was grateful. Donut, surprised but abashed, looked down again and didn’t say anything.

“Sorry,” Wash finally said, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the slightly raised lines of scar tissue where Epsilon had left his marks on Wash’s skin. “I don’t… that wouldn’t be comfortable. For anyone. You didn’t know.”

Donut nodded slightly, looking up to offer Wash a grin, slightly smaller than normal, but still sincere. Wash breathed out, glad that he hadn’t taken offense.

“My point still stands, Agent Washington,” Delta pointed out.

“I…” Wash shrugged. “It’s none of my business really.”

Donut let out a heavy sigh. “ _Wash_. But they want it to be. C’mon, confined quarters, mutual pining, and exhibitionism? This is a _classic_ oh-tee-three setup!”

“What is he talking about?” Wash asked York.

“His Harry Potter fanfiction, don’t you worry your pretty naturally blond head about it.” York said, sitting up to grin at Wash.

“It _is_ natural!” Wash snapped.

“I didn’t believe it when you joined the team, and I don’t believe it now,” York said, smirking.

* * *

Wash had gotten it into his head that he needed to train them.

Training, Tucker rapidly realized, was the actual worse.

Tex had gotten in on it too, and she’d had way too much fun setting up a super-elaborate training course, which involved lots of explosives and hidden weapons.

“Too bad there’s so few places to hide things here,” Tex said, tossing a grenade up and down in one hand. “Imagine the kind of stuff I could get away with on Sidewinder.”

Wash stared at her, looking utterly done. “Please never talk about that again.”

“You’re no fun,” Tex said, pulling the pin on the grenade and rolling it towards Epsilon and Caboose.

The resulting burst of bright light blinded Tucker as well as those two, much to Tex’s amusement.

“I fucking hate you,” Tucker said, covering his visor with his hands. “My mother always said I’d go blind but not like this!”

Wash let out a choked sounding laugh, which Tucker supposed made it kind of worth it.

“I have no regrets,” Tex said. There was a thumping noise, which meant that Epsilon had probably floated into something again. Caboose was yelling about light switches.

“Take your helmet off, Tucker,” Wash said, after a moment. Scowling, Tucker fiddled with the latches as best he could without any visual guidance. After a moment, Wash sighed again and reached down.

Gentle hands—unarmored hands—pulled his helmet off, and set it down to one side. Tucker stayed perfectly still as the fabric of Wash’s gloves brushed across his face, checking for damage.

He felt a huff of breath on his face, and he tried to lock his muscles into place.

Wash was also helmetless, and close enough for Tucker to kiss.

It wasn’t _fair_ , Tucker thought. He wanted to see Wash’s face, see if his eyes were on Tucker’s lips, see if he was blushing, see if he wanted to kiss Tucker as badly as Tucker wanted to kiss him.

But instead all he got was Wash’s thumbs pulling up his eyelid and examining his eye. “You’ll be fine,” Wash said. “It’s not even worth getting out the kit for. It’ll clear up in a minute or so.”

Tucker decided to reach up, grabbing Wash’s hands and keeping them trapped against his own face. “You know,” he said. “Since the lights are out, we could totally have some fun in the dark,” he waggled his eyebrows.

“Tucker, be serious.”

“I’m perfectly serious!” Tucker protested. He blinked rapidly as Wash’s face swam into view, blurry at first, but clearing up rapidly. “I’m perfectly serious about getting down between your legs and—”

“ _Tucker_!” There it was, there was the flash of bright red, rapidly spreading. Tucker blinked again, and the rest of Wash’s face came into focus, each freckle standing out starkly.

“What, you want to get between my legs instead? Bet you’d look great like that, on your knees, mouth full of my—”

Wash pulled his hands back from Tucker’s face.

“Alright, time for you to start the obstacle course,” Wash said, but he was practically luminescent, he was blushing so hard. (Heh. Hard. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.)

Tucker grinned, even as he started doing Wash and Tex’s obstacle course of doom, because oh yeah. Wash wanted that.

He’d have to tell Kai.

* * *

Kai climbed up to the top of Red Base, and sure enough, there was York.

“You’re having one of your bad days, aren’t you?” Kai groaned, flopping down next to him.

York glanced at her, amused, cigarette still unlit.

“Guess you could say that,” he said. His smile was more strained than normal.

“That sucks,” Kai said, reaching out and wiggling her fingers. He handed the packet of cigarettes over without blinking.

Which was nice. Kai didn’t smoke much, not like Dex, but Dex always yelled at her when she did it in front of him. York hadn’t even said anything since the first time.

“What sucks?” York asked lighting his own cigarette and then holding out the flame for her.

“You having a bad day. It’s no fun,” Kai said, shrugging.

York chuckled.

“Why do you use that old lighter all the time?” Kai asked. “I bet Dex has loads of newer ones.”

York flinched, but his grip on the lighter was steady. “It’s sentimental.”

“So that means it belonged to your old girlfriend, right?” Kai asked.

York stared at her. “What?”

“Your old girlfriend. The one who died. It was hers, right?”

York’s smile wavered. “Who…?”

“Tex said,” Kai shrugged. “She said you probably wouldn’t want to sleep with me ‘cuz you were mourning.”

“Remind me to thank her later,” York said through gritted teeth. Ooh, he actually looked pissed.

Kai shrugged. “It was hers, right?”

York’s shoulders slumped. “That’s right.”

“What was she like?” Kai asked, stubbing out her cigarette on the roof. She was bored with it already. As it was, she smelled like it, so Wash would probably fuss. Which had been what she was going for, so mission accomplished.

“I don’t think I’m up for talking about it,” York said.

Kai frowned at him. “You’re really hung up over her, aren’t you? I mean, I figured you had to be, cuz you don’t even want to bang Tex, and that’s just _wrong_.”

York laughed, and it finally looked genuine. “I know, I’m an outlier.” He shook his head. “But no. It’s not like that with me and Tex. Despite what Church thinks.”  

“She’s a good kisser,” Kai said, shrugging. “Also I think Church knows by now.”

“Who knows with Church?” York said. “These AI are pretty stubborn.”

“Was that meant to be an insult, York?” Delta said, appearing, his sprite hovering in the air between them.

“Hey leprechaun guy!” Kai said. “You didn’t come out to say hi!”

Delta wasn’t nearly as expressive as the others, but he managed to be pretty pissy anyways. Kai had to approve. He managed to convey as much with a monotone and bobbing motions that Epsilon managed to convey with screaming and a laser.

“I believed your conversation was with Agent York alone,” Delta turned towards her, floating closer, but not too close. He was always reluctant to get far from York. Kai guessed he remembered that time after York had vanished, when he’d been with Tex, and wanted to avoid a similar situation.

Kai pouted. “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t talk to me.”

“I see. I shall take note of this for future conversations.”

“Ignore him Kai,” York said, grinning. He stubbed out his own cigarette, which was always a good sign with York. He only smoked when he felt really bad. “It’s what I do, and it’s worked out well for me.”

“In this timeline at least,” Delta said, tetchily. Kai frowned, wondering what he was talking about. “Agent York—”

“I better get back,” Kai said. “I wanna see how much Wash will yell at me this time. He’s cute when he’s concerned.”

York looked her up critically. “Hang on.” He reached down to the ground, picked up one of their discarded cigarettes, and tucked it behind her ear. “There. Even more screeching. Let me know if he hits the high note. It’s always worth a laugh.”

Kai grinned, and kissed his cheek, before getting to her feet and heading back to Blue Base.

“And Kai?” York said. “Thanks.”

Kai didn’t bother denying it. “Anytime.”

* * *

“Alright,” Wash said, carefully twisting Kai’s arm behind her back. “Now what you need to do is—”

Kai _moved_ , throwing her weight backwards, forcing Wash to lose his balance and fall backwards onto the ground. She then spun, causing Wash to let go of her arm. Wash let out a huff of air as Kai settled her full weight onto his chest, straddling him.

“Gotcha!” Kai said, grinning. Her face was way too close to his. Wash felt his cheeks heat up.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Wash asked, trying desperately to keep his breathing even and to think of anything but the way Kai’s thighs felt against either side of his chest.

Kai snorted. “Basic, _duh_. Just cuz I’m a Blue doesn’t mean I don’t know any of your party tricks. I know _loads_ of tricks.”

Wash was trying hard not to squirm. He was pretty sure that Kai would be far too amused by it. And he _knew_ Tucker was going to have some things to say if his hips lifted as much as an inch off the ground.

“Great, you know some basic self-defense. That means we can go to more difficult situations.”

“I like you in _this_ situation,” Tucker called out from the sidelines.

“I’m sure,” Wash said flatly. Kai did look good like this, he had to admit. Her smirk was proud and confident, and for once not all of it was sexual. Her hair was twisted up into a braid, keeping it out of her face, her cheeks flushed with the exercise.

Her face was still too close to Wash’s.

Wash really wished she and Tucker would stop doing things like this. There was no way they didn’t know what it did to him, as aware the two of them were about everything remotely sexual. It was borderline cruel, the way they kept rubbing everything in his face.

Kai let him up, finally, although her bottom lip seemed to be protruding as she did so. “Tucker,” Wash said. “Your turn.”

“Oooh,” Kai flopped onto her stomach and kicked her feet up into the air, grinning.

Tucker didn’t manage to pin Wash. He managed to break out of a hold a few times, but Wash was satisfied that _this time_ , the Sim Trooper was the one who ended up flat on the mat.

“Thanks,” Kai said, suddenly, when Wash had called a stop for a water break. “For helping. For looking after us.”

Wash spilled his water all over himself.

* * *

“He _likes that_ ,” Kai said that night, after Tucker was done, and they were both breathing heavily and sweaty and lost in a mess of limbs and endorphins.

“What?” Tucker said, lifting his head slightly to look at her better, although he kept his hands exactly where they were, because hey, he had _priorities_.

“He likes it when we compliment him,” Kai said.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Tucker asked.

“Not like _that_ ,” Kai said. “It gets him hot and bothered.”

Tucker sat upright, grinning. “ _Really_ ”

“Hell yeah. You saw him trip over himself right? And then he ran away. _Total_ boner.”

Tucker stopped, considering. Mentally, he tried to picture what Wash had looked like, but the armor hadn’t left him with enough of a view to come to that conclusion himself. “That might have been from pinning me,” he offered.

“Did you feel it?”

Tucker sighed. “No.”

“Praise kink,” Kai said knowledgeably.

Tucker stopped, mind immediately going through a thousand scenarios of what they could do with that information.

“That’s hot,” he decided. They could do _so much_ with this.  

“We’re hot,” Kai said.

“Hell yeah we are,” Tucker said, leaning forward to kiss her.

* * *

Wash had a nice mouth, Kai decided, watching him eat the ice cream that Tucker had managed to scrape up for dinner that night.

Wash licked the spoon, greedy, and Kai decided that she should be taking notes, because this was spank bank material. Wash made great faces when he got sugar. She wondered what faces he’d make when he got to go down on Tucker. Or her. His faces were always so great, so she _knew_ his sex faces would be even better.

Tucker was staying out late to hang out with Dex that night, so it was just Kai in their room. Wash was going to be back, but Kai figured he hadn’t walked in on a private show yet. So she got out of her armor, made sure her hair looked appropriately (sexily) frazzled, and threw herself on top of the sheets.

_Wash’s hot mouth closed over a nipple, flicking it with his tongue. Kai arched off the bed, her legs stretched wide. Tucker grinned up at her cockily, that shit eating grin that he had a new trick in mind, and then he buried his tongue in her, his fingers playing with her clit._

_Wash moved to her other nipple, and Kai moaned, first his name, then Tucker’s._

The door opened, and Kai flicked her eyes to the side, in time to see Wash’s face, crimson, staring at her.

He’d run if he realized she’d noticed him. So she did the only thing she could do. She plunged her fingers right back in, closed her eyes, and moaned his name.

She heard a whimper from the door, but she didn’t look, raising her other hand up to play with her nipples, just like Wash had been doing in the fantasy.

She was making her best sex noises, the sort that drove Tucker crazy whenever she did them, but Wash made no move towards her, didn’t say anything. Kai was annoyed. Really, how much clearer did she have to be?

Finally, she rolled onto her side to scold Wash for not giving her a hand, but he’d managed to slip away while she was distracted. The door was still open a crack, which was why she hadn’t heard it close.

Sighing, Kai reached for her vibrator. There was no way she wasn’t finishing this.

* * *

Wash didn’t know what to do.

He hadn’t noticed it at first, but it didn’t take him too long to realize what they were doing.

The two of them were spending more and more time with him. And not just with him, _close_ to him. Kai feeling up his arms and grinning, Tucker brushing his shoulder against his, smirking. Flustering him, clearly on purpose.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, there was the… the rest of it.

First it was the thanking him. For stupid, simple things, things that were his _job_ , things he had to do. Things like thanking him for cleaning the room the three of them shared, for washing the dishes after Tucker cooked, for training them, for braiding Kai’s hair.

It was stupid, but Wash couldn’t help but like it way too much. He felt himself flush and get embarrassed and trip over himself.

Which was _stupid_ , because again, they were stupid, simple things. And it wasn’t like they meant anything by them, besides maybe teasing. Those two were so wrapped up in each other—often literally, as Wash learned after repeated walk-ins.

Then it was... Wash didn’t even know what it was.

Compliments?

“Do that Sarge impression again, you’re fucking hilarious,” Tucker said.

“You’re hot when you’re protective,” Kai said.

Wash wished they didn’t leave such strong impression. It wasn’t _fair_ , the way they smiled at him, the way they leered and teased and then turned around and said things like that, things that made Wash feel… wanted.

In the shower that night, Wash hesitated. Tucker and Kai were having sex down the hall—he could hear the familiar _thump-squeak_ of the mattress and their bodies. He was so familiar with the sounds he probably could even guess what position they were in. (Kai was riding Tucker, laughing, her head tilted back, facing the ceiling, while Tucker arced against the pillow, eyes shut.)

Before he’d quite realized what he was doing, he’d wrapped his hand around his dick and began to stroke himself slowly.

_Kai was straddling his chest, smirking down at him. “Good boy,” she said, and Wash whimpered, rutting up against her hand, which was already cupped around him._

_“He’s good for us,” Tucker said, stroking Wash’s hair._

_“The best,” Kai agreed, and then her hand vanished, leaving Wash opening his mouth to beg, to plead, because it wasn’t_ **_fair_** , _but then it was replaced by a warm, open mouth, and Wash gasped as Tucker took him in, arcing off the mats and…_

Wash managed to slap his other hand over his mouth in time to stop himself from crying out as he came, leaning heavily against the wall of the shower stall as he breathed heavily.

That had been… Wash flushed.

He’d just jacked off while listening to two of his friends have sex. Two of his best, closest friends, two of the only people in the entire world Wash was genuinely _certain_ actually liked him. That was inappropriate on so many levels.

Cheeks hot with shame, Wash threw the water on as cold as possible and tried to clean himself up as quickly as he could.

Kai and Tucker seemed impossibly smug when Wash came back into the room. Luckily, they were done, curled up in the bottom bunk cuddling.

“Nice shower?” Kai asked. “You were in there like, _forever_.”

Wash flushed to the point that there was no way they _couldn’t_ notice, and rushed into bed, ignoring their laughter.

* * *

They were getting to him, Tucker was confident of that. After the whole thing in the shower, he knew it.

They weren’t _quite_ there yet, there were still something they were missing, but they were getting to him. Wash wanted them. He just hadn’t yet seemed to realize that he could _have_ them.

There was clearly some sort of selective obliviousness going on here, Tucker decided. He was _noticing_ , and he was even getting annoyed about it, because he seemed to think they were teasing him. But he hadn’t managed to grasp the invitation, no matter how many times they’d offered it.

Wash’s self esteem was really fucked up, Tucker decided. No wonder he got turned on by compliments. Not that he was acknowledging that yet. But Tucker had seen Wash’s bulge often enough by now, and seen him scurry away to take care of things.

That time in the shower wasn’t the last time, but it was the only time that Wash did it while listening to them. That they knew of, but the two of them were getting pretty aware of where Wash was during sex.

Their lists were getting ridiculously long and less and less plausible, but it was _frustrating_ , waiting for him to notice.

It would be one thing if he hadn’t wanted them, if he was annoyed by this and just told them to stop it. Or if he was uncomfortable or flustered in a non-turned on way. That, Tucker could understand.

But Wash _wanted_ this, wanted _them_ , and continued to insist upon doing nothing but watch from a distance, and he’d never even let himself watch for too long, which meant that it wasn’t a voyeurism kink either. Not that Tucker was ruling that out, necessarily.

No, this was just a Wash’s head thing. And whatever it was, Tucker had no idea how to help or what to do to get rid of it, this stupid mental block that was stopping Wash from just pinning Tucker and/or Kai to a wall. (Look, Tucker had _seen_ those arms. They were arms meant for pinning people to walls. Wrists pinned above heads were optional, but very appreciated.)

Tucker sighed.

They needed to figure out another one of Wash’s buttons, and _soon_. Tucker was running out of ideas.

* * *

Tucker managed to pin Wash after a long, hard day of training. Kai had just finished her own workout, and was lounging on the grass, watching the two of them brawl on the mats, which Wash had moved outside because it was unbearably hot inside. Kai didn’t even think it was that bad, since at least they had a waterfall here, which they hadn’t had in Blood Gulch.

She was wondering if she could get Wash to go skinny dipping with them after they’d managed to convince him to have mind-blowing sex with him when she spotted Tucker manage to slam Wash face-first onto the mat, twisting his arm behind his back.

“Got ya!” Tucker crowed, triumphant and exhausted. Wash twisted, trying to escape, but Tucker held on, smirking.

Kai’s eyes widened slightly as Wash’s hips ground down for just a moment against the mats, rutting. She then squinted, trying to determine if she was right.

Kai felt a rush of warmth in her stomach. _Oooh._

They’d been wrong. Wash hadn’t been ignoring them during sparring because he was too professional to get horny from fighting.

Wash had been ignoring them because it had been him pinning _them_ most of the time instead of the other way around.

Wash got himself under control before Tucker noticed, too busy gloating to notice the beginnings of a hard on.

Kai volunteered to have another go after Tucker finally let Wash up. Wash was so surprised that she was willing to do another round that he didn’t protest, although he was exhausted and soaked in sweat. Kai liked to imagine how he was going to look after Tucker road him. Would he look just as sweaty, or would it be a different kind?

Kai forced herself to focus, because she needed to do this right. (She filed the mental image away for spank-bank fodder later. Tucker would appreciate it, she felt. Tucker loved it when they talked about things the two of them would do to Wash when they finally convinced him this would be a fantastic idea, full of mind-blowing sex.)

Wash lunged at her, but he was tired and Kai was well-rested, and Kai managed to side-step him and trip him up, sending him sprawling onto the mats. Scowling, Wash leapt to his feet, but Kai pounced, pinning him and straddling him again.

“Gotcha,” Kai said, casually moving down Wash’s body.

“Great,” Wash said, cheeks bright and flushing, and not just from the exercise. Kai could tell. Kai leaned forward, carefully lifting up her right leg and resting it between Wash’s legs. As she leaned forward even more, she dragged her leg with her ever-so-casually, until her knee brushed against Wash’s hard-on.

Wash let out a strangled gasp, staring at her, horrified.

Kai smirked. “Oops,” she said, shifting her leg again. Wash moved his hips slightly, as if about to start rutting against her leg, but then panic flared in his eyes.

Before Kai knew it, Wash had thrown her off him, landing hard on her ass. Wash was on his feet, cheeks bright red and not even looking at her.

“That’s enough for today,” Wash said, before speed-walking back into the base.

Kai frowned. What had she done wrong?

“You felt his dick?” Tucker asked her, interrupting her thoughts. “Did you get a sense? What are we dealing with here?”

Kai let herself be distracted. Wash was messy. She’d known that going into this. She’d figure it out later. Right now, she had to paint a verbal picture of what she thought Wash’s dick looked like, and that was way more important.

* * *

Wash splashed cold water onto his face, refusing to touch his throbbing erection.

“Stop it,” he muttered to himself, bending his head further over the sink, gripping the edge of it tightly, worried about his self-control.

It wasn’t right, to feel this way about them. Not when they were together. Not when they were his friends. He couldn’t ruin this.

This was _home_. Wash knew that now. This was safe, this was real, _they_ were real, and the fact that he was being tempted to risk it all over hormones and crushes was stupid. He couldn’t risk it.

 _Nothing_ could be worth losing them. Tucker’s sleepy morning smiles when he pushed himself into the kitchen to make breakfast in the morning. Kai’s laughs, all their different flavors and meanings.

Freelancer had taught Wash just how fragile good times like this were, like delicately spun sugar, gorgeous and liable to fall apart at the slightest movement. Wash didn’t dare disturb the balance they’d found, because when things fell apart, they couldn’t be put together again.

Maybe it wasn’t perfect, this aching in his chest (and in his pants, damn it Kai) but this was what he had, and it was the best thing he’d had in years, and he wasn’t going to just throw it away.

Wash forced himself back into his armor, because at least the codpiece hid his shame from everyone but him. He dried his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long time. Mirrors were an odd comfort, these days.

The face that looked back at him wasn’t Leonard Church, but Wash. Less tired and haggard and thin than it had been when he’d arrived in this valley maybe, but it was him still. A better him, Wash would like to think. He put his helmet back on, and walked back out.

The base felt emptier. Tex and Church had gone on their vacation, and Wash didn’t know when they’d be coming back.

Caboose had left a note on the table in his big, easy to read handwriting, telling them that he and Epsilon had gone exploring, because Epsilon wanted to go to the top of the waterfall. He’d brought a tent and they were going to have a sleepover, Caboose explained, his handwriting getting shakier as he got excited.

Wash grinned, happy for Caboose, before he realized that this meant that he’d be alone with Kai and Tucker. Maybe he could sleep on the couch, or in Tex and Church’s room, give them some privacy.

(Not that they’d ever had a problem with that before.)

“Hey cop!”

Wash spun, nearly punching Kai before realizing who it was and managing to pull back.

She was standing far too close, his armor brushing against her normal clothes. Tucker was right behind her, grinning.

“I could have hurt you,” Wash said, annoyed. “You two should be more careful.”

Kai rolled her eyes. “You’re always fussing,” she said, nudging Tucker.

“Aw, I don’t know Kai,” Tucker said, smirking. “I think it’s sweet of him.”

Wash’s dick, almost soft again, perked up at that, and Wash wanted to scream, because _no_. This was _not_ what he needed right now.

“Stop that,” Wash finally snapped. His nerves were shot, and he was just _done._

The two of them looked taken completely aback.

“Stop what?”

Wash dragged his gloved hands down his helmet. “Nothing. Just… forget it.”

“Hang on!” Tucker grabbed his arm. “Do you really want us to stop? Like, is this bothering you?”

Wash should say no, should end it.

He shook his head.

“Then what’s the problem?” Kai demanded, crossing her arms.

“Nothing’s the problem,” Wash said, groaning. “I just…”

“Do you need space? Time? Do we need to do some sort of roleplaying thing to get this going?” Kai asked. “Cuz we’ll do it. We want you to be a part of this.”

Wash felt himself freeze up. “Wait, _what_?”

“Oh my god, you’re really that fucking oblivious,” Tucker said.

“Take off your helmet,” Kai said. Tucker glanced at her.

Wash didn’t know why he listened, but he tugged it off, exhausted. “There, happy now?”

“Almost,” Kai said.

There must have been some sort of signal that Wash had missed, because then Tucker was kissing him.

* * *

Wash pulled away, looking dazed. “What?”

Kai groaned. “We’re still on the talking part?”

“Talking’s important,” Tucker said, nudging her slightly. She made a face.

“But this isn’t the fun talking, like safe words and kinks and dirty talk,” she complained.

Wash blinked, slowly and confused. “You’re… you can’t be serious.”

Tucker felt his cheeks grow warm. “Well… yeah?”

“Sex,” Wash said, as if testing the word out.

“And… the rest?” Kai wasn’t looking at Wash or Tucker now. “If you want.” Tucker reached out and grabbed her hand.

“The rest,” Wash said, slowly, almost reverently.

“Yeah,” Tucker said. “You know. Stuff. Watching _Reservoir Dogs._ Holding hands. That sort of stuff.”

Wash looked between the two of them, a strange expression on his face that Tucker had never seen before. It was happy but also… sad. Oddly sad.

“This was stupid,” Kai said suddenly, turning away. “Should’ve realized you didn’t—”

Wash moved, Freelancer fast, and kissed Kai.

Tucker stared, delighted. The two of them were gorgeous together, Wash still mostly in armor, Kai in her favorite tank top and denim shorts. Wash’s hands, larger than normal in armor, were pressed into Kai’s shoulders, while Kai had her hands tangled in Wash’s hair already, keeping him there, although they all knew Wash could move away easily in armor.

“No,” Wash said finally, when they parted. “No that’s… that’s not it.”

“Then what do you want?” Tucker asked, because they needed _answers_ before they started peeling him out of that armor.

“I…” Wash licked his lips for a moment, and Kai stared, almost hypnotized by the movement. Tucker grinned. “That. The... stuff.”

“And the sex?” Kai’s smile was back, her gaze absolutely filthy as it darted between Wash and Tucker.

“That too,” Wash squeaked, almost making it a question. Then Tucker grinned, and reached down, tugging at Wash’s codpiece.

“Better get rid of this then,” Tucker said, smirking as Wash blushed. Fumbling, he managed to undo the latch, and then Tucker palmed him through his undersuit, grinning as Wash’s knees seemed to buckle.

“The rest of it too,” Kai said, already removing Wash’s gloves.

Between the three of them, Wash’s armor was quickly transformed into a trail, leading towards their room.

Tucker kicked the door shut behind them, just in case Caboose came home early, then turned his attention back fully to Wash.

* * *

“Get out of those clothes,” Kai said, biting down on the shell of his ear. Tucker was already stripping out of his own clothes.

Wash squirmed, still sandwiched between the two of them. “Kai,” he muttered, eyes fluttering shut. “ _Tucker_.”

“Naked,” Kai insisted, tugging at the zipper. “ _Now_.”

Wash groaned as Kai reached around to cup him through the layers of fabric. Tucker latched onto Wash’s lips.

“Need,” Wash managed to pant. “Need… to move…”

Sighing, Kai pulled away, allowing Wash to shrug out of his clothes.

“Ooh,” Tucker said, as he helped Wash pull them off his legs. “Kai, you’ve got to see this.”

Eager, Kai moved in front of Wash, letting herself feast her eyes on what she’d been waiting weeks to see.

“Abs,” she sighed dreamily.

“That’s what you’re looking at?” Tucker muttered. Wash flushed bright red.

“I hate both of you,” Wash said.

“No you don’t,” Kai and Tucker said in unison, before Kai moved forward, kissing him, hard and dirty, biting down on his bottom lip.

He melted into her, hands tangled in her hair as she steered him towards the bed.

Wash hesitated against her, uncertain.

“You can touch,” Tucker had made his way around the other side of the bed, arm wrapped around Wash’s waist, fingers tugging on Wash’s hair. “She wants you to.”

“Fuck yeah,” Kai agreed, before tugging on Wash’s bottom lip a little with her teeth. The sound he made heat pool in Kai’s stomach almost as much as the sight of his dick had.

Wash took the permission happily, letting go of her hair to run his hands down her arms, to her hips, and then slowly trace its way up to her breasts.

Kai groaned as he explored her body. His hands were rough and calloused and scarred but his touch was gentle, almost teasing, never really enough pressure to get anything going, but Kai didn’t think he was confident enough to tease just yet. They’d get him there though, she was sure about that.

Kai pushed his shoulder slightly so he was sitting down, Tucker nibbling on his neck.

“What do you want?” She asked, looking at Wash critically. He was panting and dark eyed and his lips were puffy and red. There were red blotches on his neck, and at least a few of them were going to bruise delightfully. His hair was messy and standing on end because Tucker wouldn’t stop playing with it. Not that Kai could blame him, because that hair was fun.

Kai’s eyes dropped down, and grinned when she saw that Wash’s dick was standing right to attention. A part of her wanted to just sit right down on it and just ride him until he saw stars.

But they needed to ease him into this. They’d agreed.

(But if he wanted her to ride him it wasn’t like she was going to say no.)

Wash stared at her, then twisted to face Tucker. “I…”

“Mouth, hands, dick?” Kai said, leaning forward to wrap her fingers around Wash’s cock. Wash let out a slight yelp, eyes going back to her. She wondered how long it had been since anyone besides him had touched his dick. Too long probably, which was a shame, because it was a nice one.

“Mouth,” Wash muttered. His pupils were huge.

“Your mouth, my mouth, Kai’s mouth?” Tucker prompted, nudging Wash further onto the bed so Kai could join them.

Wash swallowed, and Kai grinned. “Mine,” Wash said, breathless. “I… I want…”

“Alright,” Kai said, smirking. “Me or Tucker first?”

“You go first,” Tucker said. “C’mon, let’s get into place.”

“Tucker,” Wash said, even as Kai shifted, so her back was to the headboard and Wash was between her legs.

“Shhh,” Tucker muttered, kissing Wash. Kai watched, grinning, as Wash practically melted against Tucker, eyes fluttering closed as Tucker slipped his tongue into Wash’s mouth. Finally, Tucker pulled away, leaving Wash panting, before gently guiding Wash down. “I’ll take care of you, you take care of her.”

Kai resisted the urge to thread her hands threw Wash’s hair, because she didn’t want to rush him. She didn’t know how long it had been for him—that was a question they’d never been able to get an answer for, and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

She’d come to accept that Wash moved slower than she and Tucker did sometimes. She didn’t like it really, but it was a thing for him. Sex wasn’t the same for him as it was for them.

His eyes flickered up and met hers, and she smiled at him.

Something flickered in his eyes, and he grinned up at her, dopy and gooey and sweet and _oh_. Kai was pretty sure she was even wetter now than she had been.

And with that look still on his face, Wash lowered his head and began to kiss his way up her inner thigh. Kai’d expected him to go slow and gentle, like his touches before, but instead he bit and nibbled, hard and hot and _way_ more so than Kai had been prepared for, this first time.

Kai groaned, still keeping her hands away from Wash. Tucker meanwhile, was moving until he was kneeling behind Wash.

The way Wash jolted when Tucker wrapped his fingers around his dick caused Wash to brush against her clit _finally_ , and Kai gave in, grabbing his hair and tugging slightly. “Tease,” she accused. Wash pulled up slightly to grin at her again, before finally obliging, twirling his tongue around her clit.

“Shit, you look good,” Tucker hissed, grinding his hips down, his fingers still wrapped around Wash’s dick and pumping slowly, stroking Wash up to full hardness. Wash groaned in response to the stimulation, which caused Kai to throw her head back, hands now fully fisted in Wash’s hair.

“He _is_ good,” Kai gasped, feeling giddy. “So good, _fuck_!” Her head slammed against the headboard for a moment as she moaned. “So good at this,” she tugged on Wash’s hair, loving how it felt in her hands. Wash shivered in her grip. “Knew that mouth was good for something besides sounding sexy.”

Kai could see Wash’s blush crawl down to his shoulders, embarrassed despite the way he sucked at her clit.

“He looks so pretty when he blushes, doesn’t he?” Kai asked Tucker, leaning across to press her lips against his. Tucker kissed her greedily, but he didn’t take his hands off Wash, still slowly stroking him, driving Wash crazy with his slow but insistent rhythm.

“Mmm, yeah he does,” Tucker agreed when they finally pulled apart. They both felt Wash’s shiver this time, and Tucker’s grin told Kai everything she needed to know what it was doing to Wash’s dick.

Wash retaliated in kind though, burying his tongue further into her vagina, his fingers beginning to trace maddening circles against her thighs.

“Oooh,” Kai groaned. “Do that _again_.”

Wash obliged, dragging his tongue back to her clit before pressing bruising kisses against the inside of her thighs.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Tucker groaned, bending over and kissing the back of Wash’s neck, just below the port there, which Kai already knew was a “do not touch” zone. “Okay, shit, Kai, I’m gonna—”

Kai tugged Wash’s head up reluctantly. Wash seemed reluctant to sit up too. His eyes were dark with sex and want, his hair tousled and his mouth shiny. “I think,” she purred, reaching down so her hand could join Tucker’s around Wash’s cock. Wash’s breath hitched, and Kai smirked as she watched his chest heave. “I think you should fuck him. And he can fuck me. What do you think, Wash?”

* * *

Wash would have sworn until that second that he was no longer able to talk, but Kai’s eyes were hot and heavy as they settled on him, and he swallowed. Their hands were joined around his cock, but not moving, and it was torture. “Please,” he said, shaking slightly. “ _Please_.”

Tucker bit down against Wash’s shoulder, making him shudder and moan, bucking up into their hands.

“Lube,” Tucker said. “Shit, Wash we’re gonna… _so much lube_. And condoms.”

Wash moaned again, even as Kai let go, clambering off the bed to open the bedside table where Wash had known for ages now contained their supplies. Wash flushed brightly as he spotted some of the contents.

“You want to do it or want us to do it?” Kai asked Wash, dangling the lube in front of him.

Wash’s brain went completely blank for a moment. “You,” he panted.

“Ooh, dibs,” Tucker said, moving his thumb in a circle around the head of Wash’s cock. “He gave you head, I get my fingers in his ass.”

“It’s a pretty ass,” Kai agreed, giving Wash an approving look over before handing the lube to Tucker.

“Get on your stomach,” Tucker said, even as Kai cupped his head in her hands and kissed him.

Wash whimpered but obeyed, his cock pressing up against his stomach, precome smearing across his abs. Tucker straddled his legs, while Kai kneeled by the head of the board, looking down at Wash.

“Don’t come,” Kai murmured, tipping Wash’s chin up to kiss. Then she reached and grabbed Wash’s hands, tangling her fingers with his, even as Tucker uncapped the bottle of lube with an obscene noise.

“Eyes on me,” she said, smirking slightly. Wash whimpered, but again did as he was told, meeting Kai’s eyes as evenly as he could, before Tucker gently circled around his entrance before pushing in slowly.

Wash gasped, jerking up, throwing his head back. Tucker laughed, licking his way up Wash’s spine, making Wash yelp and shudder beneath him, even as Tucker thrust his finger in again, searching.

“Tucker,” Wash groaned, clutching at Kai’s hands. “ _Tucker_.”

“Aren’t you pretty like this,” Kai said. “Tucker, his _expressions_.”

Wash moaned again as Tucker added a second finger and then curled them, brushing against his prostate. Wash yelped, which made Kai laugh and kiss him again, exploring his mouth with her tongue while Tucker continued to slowly move his fingers in and out.

“Gonna ruin the sheets,” Wash muttered against Kai’s lips.

“That’s half the fun,” Kai said, bumping her nose against his.

Wash moaned again as Tucker’s fingers found the sweet spot again, causing his dick to jump, still trapped beneath him.

“Tucker,” Wash muttered. “Tucker, _please_.”

“Please what, Wash?” Tucker said, bending over, pressing his body flush against Wash’s own. Wash could feel Tucker’s dick pressed against his leg, and he ground down against the sheets at the thought of it inside him. “What do you want?”

“More,” Wash muttered. “Just… _please_.”

Tucker laughed. “Condoms, Kai?”

“Got it,” she dangled the foil packets in front of them.

“Sit up,” Tucker said. “We’ve got to get this on you.”

“And you,” Kai said, grinning at Tucker over Wash’s head.

Wash moaned, but obliged, shifting up onto his knees, reaching for the condom wrapper.

But Kai was faster, and grabbed ahold of him, rolling it down his shaft with deft fingers in a single motion. Wash whimpered. Tucker tilted his head back far enough to kiss him on the lips, almost delicately.

“So freaking _hot_ ,” Tucker whispered. Wash whined into him, then jolted upwards, hips moving into Kai as she slowly lowered herself onto him. She was warm and tight and quite possibly the best thing that had been around Wash’s dick that he could remember. She kept going until she was pretty much sitting in his lap and had taken him all in, smirking and proud of herself.

She rolled her hips slightly then, making Wash gasp and try to pull out so he could thrust again. She grabbed his chin and shook his head, kissing the spot right beneath his ear.

“Not yet,” Kai said, voice firm.

Wash paused, confused, then froze slightly when he felt the head of Tucker’s cock press against his entrance.

“Ready?” Tucker bit down on his shoulder.

“Just fuck me already,” Wash muttered, feeling himself flush. Tucker and Kai both laughed, and then slowly, agonizingly, Tucker began to press in.

The dual sensation of them was nothing like Wash had ever experienced before, and he nearly lost it then and there, Tucker’s fingers digging into his hips and Kai rolling his nipples between her thumb and forefingers almost absently as she continued to mark his neck, as if determined to make sure he had to wear high necks for the rest of the month.

“Alright,” Kai said, once Tucker was done with the initial movement. “ _Now_ , let’s move.” And with that, she raised her hips dramatically, and this time, Wash thrust up to meet her.

“Fuck Wash, you feel so great,” Tucker bit on Wash’s earlobe and Wash shuddered in response. Kai laughed in delight.

“Your dick’s fantastic,” she said, and Wash felt his cheeks heat up again, pleasure rushing through him, and his hips rolled back to meet Tucker’s thrust, groaning as Tucker hit his prostate..

“Gorgeous,” Tucker muttered, Wash’s neck. He groaned incoherently.

“Brave,” Kai pressed her forehead against his. He writhed beneath her, and she moaned in response, grabbing his face and kissing him, desperate and needy as Wash felt.

“ _Ours_ ,” Tucker muttered, his fingers had found Wash’s, and pressed them against the headboard, and it pushed Wash over the edge.

He shuddered and moaned against Kai’s mouth, and she kept moving her hips, riding his orgasm, while Tucker kept thrusting.

Tucker wasn’t far behind him, his grip on Wash’s hand turning almost bruising as he thrust forward hard one last time, still muttering filthy compliments into Wash’s ear.

Seeing Tucker come seemed to push Kai over the edge, although the hand that wasn’t holding Wash’s face had slipped down to play with her clit, which probably helped. It was quiet, which Wash hadn’t expected, but she clenched around him and bit his lip again, and just like that, it was over. Wash slumped backwards against Tucker, panting heavily.

“That… that…”

“Was fucking hot,” Kai said proudly, leaning forward to peck him lightly on the lips. “We’re doing that _so often_.”

“I get to ride him next time,” Tucker complained. “I want to see his face.”

“It’s a good face,” Kai agreed.

Wash flushed again.

“You’re freaking adorable about compliments,” Kai said, running her finger along the length of his collarbone, grinning at him.

“Praise kink,” Tucker said, hooking his chin over Wash’s shoulder. “It’s so _hot_.”

Wash put his hands over his eyes. “We,” he said, as delicately as he could manage. “Should _really_ get cleaned up now.”

“Race you to the shower!” Kai said, eyes alight.

“That is not what I—”

But they were both gone already.

Wash shook his head, and followed them, just like they’d known he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? This isn't the end? Well, we might be about due for a certain red-head to swing by! Should be fun! 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Kai and Tucker have sex and get naked where Wash will see them without getting his agreement beforehand. Wash has thoughts and feelings about the events of Freelancer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! We're at the end! Thanks so much for sticking with me guys, it means a ton! 
> 
> Special thanks to a_taller_tale, who edited this for me, and to every single person who cheered me on this ridiculous endeavor. And additional thanks to the fantabulous strudelgit and saltsanford, who provided plenty of encouragement. 
> 
> ONCE AGAIN: EXPLICIT CONTENT BELOW. 
> 
> Warnings in the end notes

****Tucker woke up with his head on Wash’s arm and his legs tangled up with Kai’s. Wash, sandwiched between them, slept peacefully for once, eyes not even flickering with the signs of his normal nightmares.

It had really happened, Tucker thought, grinning.

Kai, on Wash’s other side, was snuggled right up against him, one arm thrown across Wash’s chest. Wash’s hand was tangled in her hair, as if he’d gone to sleep brushing it out with his fingers. Her breathing was loud, just this side of a snore, and Tucker grinned at the sight of the two of them. He wished he had a camera.

Carefully, Tucker lowered his head back down and closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to be the one to disturb this.

Morning afters were tricky at the best of times.

Tucker wasn’t sure where this one would fall on the scale of mornings after. Kai was great with mornings after, normally. But normally there were a lot less feelings involved. Dragging it out, Tucker suspected, would make Kai a lot more susceptible to awkwardness. Kai might not be able to help making it weird.

And Wash… Tucker slowly raised his hand and placed it on Wash’s bare chest, letting his fingers brush against Kai’s.

Tucker wasn’t sure what Wash was going to think or what he was going to do.

He wanted this, Tucker was sure of that. But he also knew that Wash could talk himself out of this just as easily. Convinced he didn’t deserve it, or that they didn’t feel the same way, or that he’d hurt them. Tucker was confident they could talk him out of it, get him out of his own head, but he was just worried Kai might get hurt in the process.

Tucker wondered to himself how he’d ended up in love with two people with abandonment issues. Honestly. What were the odds?

Wash was the next to wake up. Tucker could feel his heart race beneath his fingertips as Wash realized where he was and who he was with. Tucker opened his eyes.

“Morning,” he said, trying not to betray his fear that Wash was going to freak out.

Wash stared at him, his eyes flickering down to Kai, whose mouth was slightly open.

Then Wash practically melted against the pillows, letting his head turn to stare at Tucker.

“Hey,” Wash said. His fingers clenched slightly in Kai’s hair. She mumbled and nuzzled against Wash’s chest. She was drooling. Tucker didn’t bother to hide his grin.

“How are you feeling?” Tucker asked.

Wash paused. “A little sore,” he admitted. “But…” He leaned forward as much as he could without disturbing Kai, and kissed Tucker.

Tucker grinned, brushing the pads of his fingers over Wash’s face. The kiss was light, innocent, but when he pulled away the expression on Wash’s face was sappy as hell, and Tucker grinned.

The mattress shifted as Kai propped herself up. “Morning sex already?” She muttered, wiping her eyes.

“Breakfast first,” Wash said. There was a laugh in his voice, a lightness that Tucker savored.

“ _Boring_ ,” Kai muttered, flopping back down onto the bed.

“Hey come on!” Tucker said, offended. “I thought you liked my pancakes!”

Kai lifted her head to stare at him blearily. “Mermph,” she managed to say.

“Okay, okay,” Tucker rolled his eyes and climbed over them to get out of bed. “I’ll make coffee.” Honestly, the fact that Tucker had been able to get words out of Wash was a miracle. He doubted it would last long. The two of them were the worst at mornings.

Once the smell of coffee had begun to fill the air, Wash and Kai finally emerged from the bedroom. Wash, Tucker was delighted to discover in the bright light of day, was covered in hickeys. Kai had that swagger in her step that indicated to Tucker he might have missed some groping. The flush in Wash’s cheeks confirmed that.

Tucker pointed the spatula at Kai. “Not fair!” He told her.

“Relax,” Kai stuck out her tongue as she drank deeply from her mug. “I just got him riled up.”

“You’re the worst girlfriend ever,” Wash muttered, face buried in the coffee cup. From this angle, Tucker could definitely see the way his boxers were tenting. “Of all time.”

Kai positively lit up at the label, and she wrapped her arms around Wash’s waist, hugging him wordlessly. Wash leaned back, accepting the embrace, and there was a slightly loosening in his shoulders.

Tucker gave Wash a thumbs up and mouthed “good job”. Wash flushed slightly, looking down. Tucker grinned. Too easy.

* * *

The next few days, Kai decided, were some of the best of her entire life, even if they were mostly sticking with vanilla stuff while they eased Wash into things. Not that Kai didn’t like vanilla stuff, it was definitely fun, especially now that there were two dicks involved, but Kai had _ideas_ , okay, and she was getting tired of Tucker shaking his head at her whenever she started eying the toys.

Whatever. They’d get there.

Caboose and the floating, smaller, version of Church came back from their camping trip after three days, but Caboose was easy to shoo off so they could have sex, or cuddle on the couch, or watch movies. And Caboose dragged Epsilon everywhere.

Tex and Church still weren’t back. Kai tried calling her, because hel- _lo_ she deserved to brag about this to someone other than Tucker and Wash, but Tex was out of range. Which sucked, but Kai guessed that Tex was having fun off on her own.

Kai wondered what robots did for romantic vacations. Maybe she’d ask Delta.

Kai wandered outside, thinking maybe she’d go bug Dex for a bit, maybe get Donut to help her with her nails, because he was way better at fixing up her cuticles than her, and she kind of wanted to see if Wash would let her mark him up, so she’d want her nails in top shape.

She saw a grey figure with weird armor in the distance.

She frowned. “Hey!” She said, stomping up to the person. Kai was glad she was in armor, because _whoa_ , they were ripped. And hot, but in a kind of Tex way. The kind of hot that said they’d have no problem stomping all over Kai to get what they wanted. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Is Washington here?” _Hello_ hot voice.

But Kai’s spine stiffened, because Wash was wanted by the cops, and no one was supposed to know he was here. “Fuck off!” She said.

The person took a step forward, menacingly. Kai found her eyes flickering down to the rifle in her hands. It wasn’t pointed at her, not yet, but it was getting there. “Tell me where he is,” they snarled, and look, Kai found a growl as sexy as the next person, but she suddenly was regretting not bringing her gun, because yeah, total Tex on first meeting vibe here, and she had a lot less good cover and no Church to act as a shouty distraction.

“Kai!” Wash was there, and pushed her back, getting between her and the yelling person, in full armor and armed. Kai felt a rush of relief. Wash was there. It was going to be fine.

Then he halted. “Carolina?” He asked, disbelieving.

Wait.

Kai knew that name.

Where did she know that name from?

“ _Wash_ ,” this Carolina was saying, the gun lowering. “Good. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

“Who the fuck is this?” Tucker was there now too, panting slightly. He must have run all the way from Blue base.

“Tucker,” Wash said, still stiff. He hadn’t relaxed, hadn’t stopped blocking Kai from Carolina’s gaze and weapon. “Go get the Reds.”

Carolina didn’t even glance at Tucker as he began to run.

“How did you find me?” Wash asked. His grip on his weapon hadn’t relaxed.

“It took some time,” Carolina said. “But I found a few anomalies. Traced it to here. Saw that these were the people you took down Freelancer with. Took a gamble. Guess it paid off.”

There was a clipped, professional quality to her tone that Kai kind of liked, but it also made her nervous. Because what did she want with Wash?

Kai tugged Wash back slightly. “Who is she?” She demanded, making her voice loud and screechy on purpose. “Is she a cop?” She tightened her grip on Wash’s arm. “Cuz like, he’s not one of you anymore! You can’t have him back!”

Kai knew that if Wash dared to take his hand off his rifle, he’d be gripping her hand, trying to get her to stop. But he didn’t fight her as she backed up, increasing the distance between them and Carolina.

“What do you want, Carolina?” Wash demanded.

 _Carolina_. That was a state, Kai realized. This was a Freelancer.

Kai tried to message Tex again, but she was still too far away.

Oh.

Wash had sent Tucker to Red Base.

They had another Freelancer on the way.

Kai gripped Wash’s arm slightly, hoping that York was going to be able to help with this.

Suddenly, the sound of a shotgun went off, and Carolina spun on her heel, moving way too fast, dodging.

“Damn it,” Wash muttered, as York began to fight.

“What’s happening?” Kai asked Wash.

“York doesn’t realize who she is,” Wash said with a sigh.

“So why is he fighting her?”

“... he thinks she stole her armor.” He paused for a second. “And she thinks he stole his.”

“Oooh, right. He’s supposed to be dead,” Kai nodded.

She watched, fascinated, at the way the two of them moved. She’d never seen York really fight anyone, not like she’d seen Tex or Wash fight. York was _good_ , Kai was surprised to see.

But Carolina was better, pinning him to the ground, and it didn’t look like she had sexy intentions either.

“How _dare you_ !” Carolina yelled, ripping off York’s helmet, then froze. “ _York_?”

York took advantage of her surprise, turning the tables and pinning Carolina right back. “I show you mine…” His voice had that edge to it, that “I’m really upset but don’t want people to know” thing he did sometimes. Kai leaned forward, trying to see better. Wash held her back.

Carolina’s helmet came off, and Kai grinned. She’d totally been right. _Super-_ hot.

York stared for a moment.

And then the two of them began to roll on the grass, making out.

“ _Oh_!” Kai said. “She’s the girlfriend?” Carolina had ended up on top, which York seemed to have absolutely no problem with. Kai revised her earlier thoughts about Carolina not having sexy intentions.

Wash sighed. “She was our leader, back at Freelancer.”

“I can tell!” Tucker was on Kai’s other side now. “I bet she bossed him around a lot! _Bow-chicka-bow-wow_.”

Wash closed his eyes. “This,” he said. “Might take a while.”

* * *

Carolina’s presence in Valhalla made Wash restless. She was staying with the Reds, and for that, Wash was grateful, but she was _there_. She was alive, and she was at Valhalla, and she wanted to hunt the Director…

And she wanted them to come with her.

At night, Wash had bad dreams. Dreams of Tucker and Kai on the Mother of Invention, right in the line of fire. Dreams of the Counselor and his smooth, placid voice, asking him questions about them. Dreams about a ranch house in Texas, with a little girl running around in the front yard, a house he’d never been to, but that he knew like he knew his own scars.

He’d do anything to keep them away from the Director.

But he looked at them the minute Carolina asked for their help, and he knew they weren’t going to let him do this alone.

Wash counted down the days until Tex comes back. When Tex was back, they could leave. Maybe this itch wouldn’t be so bad, once they left, once they started moving. Maybe when the ghost of Freelancer was exorcised from Valhalla it could be calm again. Maybe Wash could get that precious, delicate feeling of belonging, of safety, of home, back.

It’s not that he wanted Carolina gone—far from it. But the mission was like poison on the air, destroying the lighthearted nature of the peace that had been before.

Wash had known it wouldn’t last.

But he wished, desperately, that it could have lasted just a _while_ longer.

Tex returned, and Wash breathed out. Tex was oddly stabilizing, oddly reassuring. Carolina had the same effect. When they were there, Wash knew that things would get done.

Well.

Unless they killed each other first, he amended mentally, watching the way Carolina stood too still, too tightly wound to relax in Tex’s presence.

They’d been packing for a while now, preparing for Tex and Church’s return, but there were still things to do before leaving.

Tex walked up to Wash, a bag slung over her shoulder. She tilted her helmet to one side, and Wash could feel her smirk. “Oh, it finally happened, didn’t it?”

Wash didn’t look at her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Tex reached out and yanked the collar of his undersuit down slightly, exposing the fresh bruise that Tucker had left last night. She whistled. “They’ve been having _fun_.”

Wash batted her hands away, glaring. “You _knew_?” He asked, offended.

Tex patted his arm without an ounce of sympathy. “Yes. Now, I need to go collect. York owes me a twenty.”

“You _bet_ on this?” Wash said, feeling like he should be offended.

“Yep,” Tex said, smug.

“You two are the worst,” Wash muttered.

“Sure are,” Tex said, walking away from him, striding purposefully towards York. Carolina, in the distance, threw a bag into the Warthog with more force than necessary.

Wash paused, and realized that yes, Carolina would have missed all of Tex and York’s Calvin & Hobbes shtick.

He sighed again, and went to go get Caboose and Epsilon.

There were bigger things to do than to deal with that particular mess. They were all adults. Surely they could get things sorted on their own.

* * *

Leaving Valhalla was not fun. Tucker hadn’t quite realized how much he’d grown to like that place until he was leaving. It wasn’t like Blood Gulch at least. The most important part was coming with him.

He messaged Junior again, letting him know everything was fine, and then got into the driver’s seat. He was on first shift for their warthog, Wash and Kai in the back seat, with Church beside him, and Caboose on the gun. Tucker was vaguely aware that this might be what would be considered a “grave mistake” by many people, but Caboose wanted to keep an eye on Epsilon, whose travel arrangements were currently “attached to a tether tied to back of Carolina’s mongoose”. It was pretty fucking hilarious, Tucker had to admit.

Tex also had a mongoose, which she was currently sharing with _Donut_. Tucker kept glancing at Church, trying to see how his best friend was taking this, but Church was staring straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge anything.

Admittedly, Church had been more or less like that since Carolina had returned.

Tucker wondered if he was supposed to talk to him about it or something, but he had no idea really. Church was hard to talk to at the best of times about emotional shit, and this was…

Well.

To be honest, Tucker had no idea what to do about _any_ of the Carolina situation. Not her and Wash, her and Tex, her and Church, and not even her and York, not that Tucker particularly cared about that part, because whatever. _That_ was clearly the kind of dramatic mess that had made Tucker determined to avoid relationships for most of his… well okay, pretty much until Kai and Wash.

His point stood though.

That was a mess, and Tucker wasn’t going near that shit with a ten foot pole.

He glanced at York, who was clearly gossiping with Tex over the radio again.

Tucker mentally re-measured the pole. Twenty sounded safer. Maybe thirty.

“Freelancers,” he complained out loud. “Why are you guys so fucking dramatic?”

“Excellent question,” Wash muttered, arms crossed and looking tense, despite Kai’s foot in his lap.

Church groaned, cradling his head in his hands again. “This fucking headache won’t _stop_ ,” he complained. “It’s bullshit!”

“If you’ll just process the information,” Wash said snippily. “It should stop!”

“You said Carolina _died_!” Church snapped. “What more is there to process?”

Tucker kept his eyes on the road.

“You need to process who she is! When you were dead you could hold the information at bay, but now you _need to process it_ . You’re too close to Epsilon to maintain that kind of memory blank for long,” Wash said. “You _know_ he projects!”

“I can manage it,” Church said, through gritted teeth.

“Why don’t you want to know who she is?” Tucker couldn’t help asking.

“Because!” Church snapped. “I’m not _him_ . It’s not who she is to _me_ , it’s who she is to _him_ , and I don’t want that! I don’t… I’m not _him_!”

“So you hurt yourself?” Kai asked. “That seems dumb.”

Church whipped around to glare at her. “Shut the fuck up,” he seethed. “You don’t know anything.”

“What,” Kai challenged. “Is knowing who she is gonna change who _you_ are?”

There was a long, painful silence.

“Maybe,” Church said, almost too quiet to hear.

The next leg of the trip was spent in silence.

* * *

Their breaks weren’t as frequent as Kai might have liked, but Wash and Tex managed to convince Carolina they should stop for the night.

Something was up with Epsilon, but Kai wasn’t exactly sure what. He was spending a lot of time with Carolina.

“I don’t know,” York said, shaking his head as he sat on the back of the warthog. He was fiddling with his cigarettes, but he hadn’t started smoking yet. “I’m sure it’ll sort itself out soon.”

Tex shrugged. “Epsilon’s always been a weird one, even for the fragments. No offense, Dee,” she added.

“None taken, Agent Texas,” Delta said.

Kai sat on the ground, staring up at the stars. “It’s weird that the constellations are different here,” she complained.

“That’s what happens when you go to space,” York said, sounding amused.

Kai stuck her tongue out at him. “I _know that_.”

He snorted slightly, and offered her the cigarettes. She waved him off. She wasn’t in the mood. Wash might be grumpy if she came to bed smelling of smoke. It was her turn in the middle too. She wasn’t about to get him riled up, not when there wasn’t much chance he’d let her and Tucker wind him down afterwards. Kai wondered if this was a sign that their relationship was getting boring. They’d only been dating for about two weeks now, surely they hadn’t broken the honeymoon stage yet.

Tex sat down next to Kai. “Move over,” Tex said. Kai obliged, so they were sitting back to back.

“Church thinks he’ll lose himself,” Kai said, leaning her head back against Tex’s shoulder.

“I know,” Tex said. “I’ve tried to tell him, but he won’t listen.”

“Can’t we just tell him that unless he starts picking up a southern accent, there’s nothing to worry about?” York said.

Tex threw something at him, knocking him off the back of the warthog. “Too close?” He said, appropriately contrite.

“Very,” Tex’s voice was ice.

“Sorry,” York sighed. He leaned against the wheel, not bothering to climb back up. “I just want this to be over.”

“Me too,” Kai said.

Tex was quiet.

“Tex?” Kai said, quietly. “You never said. What did he do to you?”

Tex froze against Kai.

“He hurt Church,” Tex said, but there was something off in her voice.

“Yeah, and he fucked with Wash and left Carolina for dead and screwed over everyone, but what did he do to _you_?”

“Kai,” York said, and Kai could hear the warning in his voice, but Kai pushed on.

“So?” She asked, regretting their position for a moment, because she wanted to be looking at Tex directly for this.

Tex let out a sigh. “He tried to change who I was,” Tex said. “I wasn’t who he wanted me to be.”

“That’s stupid,” Kai said. “You’re fucking awesome. Why would anyone try to change that?”

Tex let out a laugh, harsher than normal, but Kai savored it anyways, feeling Tex’s shoulders relax against Kai’s.

She felt York nudge her with his foot, an unstated _thanks_.

Kai grinned at him, and started speculating out loud about alien constellations.

* * *

Apparently, Kai and Tucker had noticed how on edge Wash had been for the past few days.

“You need to just _relax_ ,” Tucker said. “I know there’s a lot of bullshit happening but…” he trailed off.

Wash looked away. “It’s… complicated,” he said, knowing how inadequate the words sounded.

Kai and Tucker looked at each other. “Can we _help you_ relax?” Kai said, starting to grin. Wash knew that grin. That grin meant trouble.

“We’re not having sex in the middle of the wilderness, ten feet away from the others,” Wash said, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Alright,” Tucker said.

Then he grabbed Wash’s hand and started pulling him further away from the main camp.

“That is _not what I meant_!” Wash said.

“We won’t have sex if you don’t want to,” Kai said, shaking her head at him as she followed, grabbing Wash’s other hand as she went.

“But if Kai and I have sex and you watch…” Tucker’s eyebrows wiggled and Wash’s blush spread further.

“That’s… that’s not…”

Kai hummed thoughtfully. “What, want us to tie you up first?”

Wash let out a squeak.

“Ooh, noted for later,” Tucker said.

“I can’t believe you two,” Wash muttered.

“What?” Kai said, far too innocent to be believed. “We don’t have rope. Can’t _actually_ do it.”

“You want to tie me up so I can watch you two have sex?” Wash squeaked, as Tucker finally came to a stop.

“You did like to watch,” Tucker said, before tugging off the undersuit he was wearing.

“You two are serious,” Wash muttered. “You’re actually going to…”

Kai laughed. “Well, you can join us if you _want_.”

Wash muttered an answer that even he didn’t understand, before pulling Kai in for a kiss.

“That’s a yes?” Tucker asked, already tugging at Wash’s zipper.

“ _Yes_ ,” Wash growled, twisting around, sinking his teeth into Tucker’s neck. Tucker moaned, still struggling to remove Wash’s armor.

“Hmm,” Kai said, grabbing Wash’s ass, making Wash jump slightly.

“What are you thinking?” Wash managed to ask, knowing that tone _very_ well.

Kai’s grin was bright as she raised something into Wash’s view.

“Is that my sleeping mask?” Wash demanded.

“No,” Kai said, snapping the elastic around his neck so it hung like a necklace. “It’s a _blindfold_.”

Wash stared at her.

“Ooh,” Tucker said, starting to adjust it, dragging it up his head again, messing up Wash’s hair as he went. “Sounds like fun. Wash?”

Wash considered. “Let’s try it,” he said.

“Don’t worry,” Kai promised, kissing his jaw briefly before picking up the mask part. “We’ll be talking the whole time.”

The last thing Wash saw before they fitted the blindfold on was Kai and Tucker’s smirks.

Tucker tangled his fingers through Wash’s, his breath hot on Wash’s ear. “Easy,” Tucker muttered. “God this is hot, don’t know why we didn’t do this sooner. You look great with a blindfold.”

Wash let out a whine, unable to stop himself as Kai latched onto his neck and began to suck. The sound turned into a gasp as she bit down, her teeth grazing his skin.

“Shh,” Tucker tilted his chin back to kiss. “Just let us take care of you.”

Wash was grateful for Tucker’s solidness as he leaned back, practically melting against him as Kai slowly began to kiss her way down his body. She licked a stripe along his collarbone, and Wash whined again.

“Kai, _please_ ,” Wash said.

“Gorgeous,” Kai said, and Wash gasped as her teeth grazed one of his scars.

Wash felt his cock jump, and Kai laughed, licking his abs before he heard the sound of her knees hitting the ground.

Wash waited for the teasing, for her to kiss around his dick, marking him up, tormenting him, making him beg.

What he didn’t expect was for Kai to suck the tip of his dick right into her mouth, her fingers digging into his thighs. Wash tried to cry out, but Tucker kissed him again, swallowing the sounds, nipping at his bottom lip, encouraging him to open his mouth to Tucker.

Wash was melting, coming undone. He tried to move his hands towards Kai as she moved her lips up and down his cock, humming as she went, but Tucker held him firmly in place, and Wash realized that they’ve managed to find a substitute for rope after all.

Wash gasped as Kai gently scraped her teeth down the length of his dick as she came up for air, laughing breathlessly as she kissed the inside of Wash’s thigh. “Betcha I can deep throat him,” Kai panted.

“You’re on,” Tucker said, and Wash could his chest move as he talked, pressed against Wash’s back as he was. He could feel Tucker’s erection pressing against his leg, but Tucker hadn’t moved to do anything about it.

“What does she— _Kai, fuck_ —win?” Wash managed to ask, even as Kai began to lick a stripe up the side of his dick.

“I get to fuck him,” Kai said cheerfully. He could hear the smirk in her voice. “If you’re good, you can watch.”

“He’s always good,” Tucker said, gently kissing Wash’s ear. “He’s looking after us. Now it’s our turn.”

Wash gripped Tucker’s hands as tightly as he could as Kai swirled her tongue over the head of his cock before swallowing him down fully.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Wash cried, his hips jerking forward without thinking. Kai moved back slightly, breathing hard, but then moved back down, slowly, agonizingly slowly, using her teeth and her tongue and…

Wash shuddered and gasped, and Kai pulled back, coughing slightly. “Did it,” she said, smug.

Tucker laughed. “What do you think? Has Wash been good enough to watch?”

Wash squirmed as he could feel Kai’s panting mouth approach him again. “I think he should beg,” Kai said. “Want to see it, Wash?”

Wash whined, thrusting forwards, towards Kai’s mouth. The image his brain was providing was vivid, enhanced by the time that he’d walked in on Kai wearing her belt, and the intimate knowledge of how Tucker looked while being fucked.

“ _Please_ ,” he muttered, hips rocking again. Kai took him into her mouth again, and Wash could _feel_ himself getting close. “Kai, please, I want…”

“Go on then,” Tucker muttered in his ear, breath hot, Tucker’s erection pressing against his leg. “Come.”

Wash felt Kai hum in assent, and Wash wasn’t sure if it was that or Tucker’s telling him it was okay that pushed him over the edge, hips rocking forward as he came in Kai’s mouth.

When he was done, she pulled away, and he heard a spitting noise. “Gross,” Kai complained.

Wash flushed, as Tucker tugged down his blindfold so he could see. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“I don’t mind,” Kai said, patting him on the thigh, still on her knees in front of him. “I just don’t like swallowing. You want Tucker for that.”

Tucker grinned and laughed. “So? He earn it?” Wash could still feel Tucker’s erection, untouched, against his back.

Wash flushed, because he hadn’t _done_ anything.

Kai hummed thoughtfully, getting to her feet. “Well,” she said. “He did ask. But he didn’t specify what he was asking _for_.”

Wash opened his mouth to protest.

“So I think he gets to be tied up,” Kai concluded, grinning wickedly. “No touching.”

Wash flushed at the thought of that, and he suspected that if he hadn’t just came, he’d be hard again. “Later?” It wasn’t meant to be a question, but his voice rose without his assent.

“Later,” Kai said. “I need to get rope.” Her grin was filthy.

Wash kissed her, unable to believe, sometimes, that this was _real_. That this was his life. “Thanks,” he said, softly. “I…” He glanced down. “If you want…?”

Kai pressed a finger against his lips. “Nah,” she said. “You can pay me back later.” She paused.

“I’m not fingering you in the back of the Warthog,” Wash said, flushing.

“We’ll talk about it,” Kai said, confidently.

“Kai!”

She just grinned at him and started hunting for her helmet.

* * *

When they got back, Epsilon had apparently abandoned his sphere for Carolina’s armor, and everything was a disaster.

And by “everything”, Tucker meant “Caboose”.

“You need to talk to him,” Tucker said to Church.

“It’s not my fucking fault that Epsilon decided he wanted to live in Carolina’s fucking head!” Church protested. “Let _him_ deal with this!”

“Dude. The guy’s obsessed with revenge right now. I’m not sure if Caboose’s feelings are on his radar.”

“What, and they’re on mine?”

Tucker scowled. “Whatever dude. If you’re just going to be a dick about it, I’ll go get Wash and go look for Caboose. And listen to him cry about his best friend for _hours_.”

Church stiffened. “It’s not my fault!”

“Yeah,” Tucker said. “But you have been avoiding him since Epsilon.”

“I wasn’t avoiding _him_!” Church protested.

“Do you _really_ think Caboose has figured that out? Dude, you yell about how much you hate Caboose half the time. He might take it personally.”

“Look, he fucking replaced _me_ ,” Church snapped. “And the guy he replaced me with gives me headaches!”

Tucker straightened slightly. “Still? I thought you’d fucking processed that shit.”

Church waved his concerns away. “Not that kind of headache dude. He’s just so fucking full of himself.”

“You realize…”

“Shut _up_ , Tucker.”

Tucker couldn’t help but grin slightly at that. “C’mon dude. Cut Caboose some slack. Epsilon liked spending time with him a lot more than you ever did. Can’t blame him for taking advantage.”

Church didn’t say anything, just kicked the dirt.

“Would it even help?”

“I don’t know, Church. Let’s see.”

Caboose wasn’t hard to find. They just had to follow the sounds of Caboose muttering.

“Anguish. Despair. Abandoned. Loneliness,” Caboose muttered, weaving his way through the trees.

“Caboose?” Church said, awkward. He glanced at Tucker, who rolled his eyes and nodded encouragingly. “

“Oh!” Caboose brightened. “Church!”

“I… I heard about Epsilon,” Church shifted. “I’m… sorry Caboose. I… I feel… kind of… bad… that I haven’t been spending…” Tucker kicked him encouragingly. “Ouch!”

“Spending much ouch. That is a new kind of currency. What is the exchange rate?” Caboose said, deadpan enough that Tucker almost suspected Caboose was making a joke.

“No, Caboose! I’m… look, I’m sorry I’m an asshole. Epsilon really freaks me out. And I’m sorry he’s off with Carolina right now. But I’m… willing to talk?” Church sounded like the last part actually pained him.

Caboose let out the most delighted sound Tucker had ever heard, and lunged forward, scooping Church up in his arms.

“Church!”

Tucker took that as his exit queue, and quietly slipped away, leaving the two of them to it.

“Caboose! Put me _down_! Seriously!”

“I’ve missed you too!”

“That is not _remotely_ what I said! Are you even listening?”

Tucker grinned, and stepped back into the campground. Good deed of the day, accomplished. Now he could send Wash naked pictures while he was on watch all night.

* * *

Nights were slow, on the move. It was frustrating for the Freelancers, Kai knew. They all wanted to be moving constantly, but they’d eventually come to understand that the rest of them needed to rest.

Tucker was busy talking with Dex about something—probably trying to set up a screening of _Reservoir Dogs_.

Which left Kai and Wash alone, sitting in the Warthog.

“I’m bored,” Kai grumbled.

Wash sighed, exasperated. “Why don’t you do something about it then?”

That was all the invitation she needed. Grinning, Kai moved across the center dash, onto Wash’s lap.

“Kai,” Wash said, warningly. She rolled her eyes. He’d only emphasized the “no sex too close to the others” thing about a million times. She _got it_. It was on the no list.

“PG, got it,” Kai said, before lowering her mouth to his.

Wash leaned back, resting his head against the seat back, his hands moving around her waist, trying to pull her closer to him. Kai poked his lips with her tongue, and Wash opened his mouth instantly, eager to deepen the kiss.

He loved this, Kai could tell. This kind of open affection, completely separate from sex. He ate it up, moaning into her mouth. Kai grinned, enjoying it as she managed to start to pull him apart without needing to do anything more than this. She’d probably have him regretting his own rule pretty soon, although she knew he wouldn’t break it.

There was a loud crash, and Kai pulled away from Wash for a second—he whined slightly, which Kai had to savor—to see Carolina staring at them, wide-eyed. A bag full of weapons lay at her feet, overflowing with what looked like ammo.

“I, uh,” Carolina was flushing, Kai could tell. “I’ll come back later?”

“Boss!” Wash’s hands tightened around Kai’s hips, unwilling to push her away, but clearly embarrassed. Or… no that wasn’t it. Kai couldn’t put her finger on it. He didn’t care that Carolina knew, but he didn’t want to be caught with his pants down. Metaphorically.

Kai wondered, idly, if she _could_ get his pants down tonight after all, as she shifted in his lap. Well. His armor. It could be fun.

Presuming Carolina didn’t ruin the mood.

Kai sighed, and slipped off Wash’s lap. Clearly sensing her being upset about it, he reached over and took her hand.

“I… I hadn’t realized you were seeing someone,” Carolina said, awkwardly glancing at Kai.

“Two someones,” Kai said, sticking her tongue out at Carolina, even as she tried to evaluate if she should be offended. “Me _and_ Tucker.”

Carolina looked back at Wash, and there was a hint of a smile on her face. “Seriously?”

Kai grinned, while Wash started to protest Carolina being surprised.

“I’m… happy for you,” Carolina said, and _oh_! Kai got it now. Carolina was awkward, just like Tex. Well, different than Tex. Because Tex probably would have thrown ice water over them, not said she was happy for them. But the meaning would have been the same, Kai knew.

“It won’t distract me from the mission,” Wash said. Kai squeezed his hand tightly. They wouldn’t distract him. This was important to him. Maybe, if the asshole was dead, Wash could stop having nightmares about him. Kai would like that.

Carolina nodded. “I’ll… right.” She turned away. Kai thought she spotted a flicker of blue, like Epsilon, over her shoulder for a moment.

Kai watched her go, trying to decide if the mood was right to pick back up where they left off, when Wash slid onto _her_ lap and began to kiss her neck, her mouth, her jaw, every part of her he could reach.

“Woods?” Wash muttered, voice deliciously low and dark. “I do owe you one.”

Kai beamed. “ _Yes_ ,” she said, throwing open the door to the warthog and scrambling out, pulling Wash with her.

* * *

They were close.

So close, Wash could almost taste it.

Carolina had implanted Epsilon, and Wash had been doing his absolute best to not think about it. It had been hard enough, knowing Epsilon was floating around the base back at Valhalla, hard enough knowing he was the next room over most of the time.

But now he was in Carolina’s _head_ , and all Wash wanted to do was rip him right out and throw him off a cliff.

He hadn’t said anything to her about it though.

Maybe it was that he knew she wouldn’t listen, maybe it was Epsilon’s presence alone that stopped him. They hadn’t… they hadn’t talked about it, not really.

Wash wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Epsilon was messy and complicated and painful, and Wash didn’t know what to do any more.

Everything was spiraling out of control.

Except Kai and Tucker.

Tucker groaned, propping himself up on his elbows. “Wash,” he said, voice heavy with sleep. “Stop thinking and go to _sleep_.”

“You’re thinking too loud,” Kai muttered, her arms wrapped around Tucker’s waist.

“I… sorry,” Wash said.

Tucker seemed more awake, suddenly. He reached out, pressing his hand against Wash’s cheek. “Everything okay?”

Wash floundered for an answer. “I don’t know,” he finally said.

Kai sat up. “Director thing, Carolina thing, or Epsilon thing?” She asked, direct and to the point, like normal.

“Epsilon,” Wash admitted. “I…”

“Is this the thing you have nightmares about?” Tucker asked. “I mean, you’ve never really said. Just that Epsilon was your AI. I know Church knows, but…”

Wash blinked, mind reeling. “I… I thought you knew,” he said.

No one had _told them_ . Not Tex, not York, not Church, not Epsilon. They’d all kept quiet. Wash wasn’t sure if he was furious at them or grateful, for putting this in his hands, for making him be the one to find the words, to have to try to _explain_.

How could he describe it? How much was too much, how little was too little? Were they mad at him for not telling them? How long had they been waiting for him to open up, to trust them?

Wash bit his lip.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Kai said. “If you don’t want to. But we’ll listen. If you want.”

“It can wait,” Tucker said, sensible. “If you want. It doesn’t have to be now.”

Wash closed his eyes, and remembered Allison’s face.

They might not survive tomorrow. Wash knew this, although he knew it wouldn’t have occurred to them. The Director would have known they were coming. He’d be prepared.

“No, it’s… it’s fine,” Wash said. He swallowed, and began to tell the story of a boy named Cecil Kyle.

* * *

Tucker really wished they’d brought Sheila right about now.

Tex and Carolina were doing their work well, don’t get him wrong, but there were so many of these… _things_.

It was… wrong. They spoke, sometimes, but it was awful, sounding more like O’Malley than Tex, although a few of them did sound right, and those ones were even worse.

Their movements were like Tex’s, but jerky, disjointed, out of sync. Dangerous, sure, but nothing like the real thing.

Tucker glanced at Tex, trying to judge how she was handling all of this. He couldn’t get a read at all, and that was almost more worrying.

Tucker was fighting back to back with Wash sometimes, Kai others, but things were moving so quickly that it was hard to stay near either of them. He swung his sword, taking out any that got too close, while the others fought ones further away.

Epsilon made them all collapse, but it was only a reprieve and they all knew it. Tucker thought he might understand Church’s self-hatred issues.

Church and Epsilon went with Carolina and Tex to finish this.

Tucker grabbed Wash’s wrist. “You okay?” He asked.

Wash nodded. “You two?”

Kai gripped Tucker’s shoulder tightly. “Fine,” she said.

They moved to circle in with the others, and the fight began again.

After a long time, they came back. “It’s over,” Tex said, simply. She sounded tired. Really, really tired. Tucker looked away, checking on Kai and Wash.

“Who needs the healing unit?” York asked, leaning against Sarge, breathing heavily.

“York?” Carolina asked, alarmed.

“I’m fine,” York said. “Couple of broken ribs. Nothing to worry about.”

Carolina hesitated, as if wanting to approach him, but unsure if she should. Tucker had long since given up trying to understand those two. He never wanted to go back to the “will they or won’t they” phase that those two were stuck in right now.

“Kiss him already!” Donut said. “Red Team can’t take another ten years of pining!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Simmons demanded.

Carolina seemed to have taken Donut’s encouragement to heart though, because she yanked him away from Sarge and…

Oh.

Well, a hug worked too.

Tucker shrugged, and turned around, yanking off his own helmet.

Kai was already ahead of him, and grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him into a kiss.

“No one needs to see that, Tucker!” Church yelled.

“Fuck off, Church,” Wash said, and wow, Tucker could pick them, Tucker decided, spinning around to kiss Wash next.

Dating two people at once did make post-battle makeouts a bit more difficult, Tucker had to admit, even as he let go of Wash so that Kai could dip him.

But totally worth it.

* * *

 

“So where to now?” Kai said, holding Tucker and Wash’s hand as they stared up at the _Hand of Merope_.

“Home,” Wash said, squeezing her hand.

“We’re big damn heroes now,” Tucker said. “Sheila’s going to be proud of us.”

“Hell yeah she is,” Kai said, grinning.

Kai started to pull them forward.

It didn’t matter where they were going, Kai decided.

Because wherever they were going, they’d be together.

And really, she thought, grinning at her brother, who was arguing with Simmons, at Tex, who was making fun of York, and at Church, who was desperately trying to ignore Caboose, what else mattered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of past trauma. 
> 
> And we're done! Wondering what happens next? Don't worry, keep your eyes out for the third and final entry in the BFF Verse: "Time's Running Out"! 
> 
> Come talk to me over on [tumblr!](http://www.secretlystephaniebrown.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for: minor injury, potential mild sexual harassment.


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